[ 9:10 PM ]
Restaurant City really gets on my nerve at times. It keeps on losing network and I had to retry countless of times. But still, it is my new current addiction. No more Mafia Wars. Haha. K done with the game talk, lets talk about school. Hmm, done 3 Uts, Cognitive, Entreprise and Math. Cognitive and Entreprise is a so-so paper. I shall not say its easy till I get the results. Math, as usual, still my number 1 enemy. =.= So sad right. I don't know when will math and me decided to be best friends. Humph. Oh well, I don't care.
Anyway, guess what? Holidays is next week! So, holidays here I comeeeee. Nothing to be excited about actually. I have only one definite plan for the 2 weeks holidays. 4th june, BBQ with E36F. The rest of the days is still not yet decided because for one thing, Im not working anymore which equals to tight finance for me. Mama allow me not to work but with one condition that she would give me fixed allowance. So pandai-pandai la spend it. But working is tough u know and I need a time-out after 5 days of cramping 5 different modules in my tiny pea brain. Another thing is, Im lazy to spend time outside. I probably would just sit at home and rot in my room. Like real. Haha. I would plan soon what I am going to do for the next 13 days. One task coming up!
Back to school. I sense that Im not really active in group discussion anymore. I used to participate and eager to do work but now, I spend more time facing my laptop then my team members. I think I've lack of interest in all the subjects. Every week, its getting tougher and tougher. I need some motivational help here. I guess, it would take time for me to be on track with the rest. Im tired.
I finally joined SHL club. Its not any sporty IGs but still has something to do with sports ok. Heck with floorball and all. All need try-outs and its a waste of time. The try-outs for floorball is till october?! Imagine in October, u failed the try-out. Woah. Hmm, SHL club is superbly fun i tell you. 100% no regrets. I admit it is tough and needs alot of commitment but so what. I enjoy organising events and the club members, is really great. Right now, me and 3 more other members are planning for the upcoming events on 11 of July. Its for the year 1 SHL school. Suprise surprise. I better keep my mouth shut before I blurt out everything. Oh yeah, I decided to be in the Public relations for Internal. I think that is the only position Im interested in the club. Oh oh oh, before anything, this is just a probation period. This means that I am not fully a member of the IG. They will observe us and then will decide who can continue to be in the IG. I know, its the same thing as try-outs but this, it takes a much shorter time. And not to be a bragger, but I am confident enough I could make into this club. Wish me luck yeah. (:
I am not being a dumbass anymore. I think. I don't set myself in mute tone in class anymore. Im being socialable again. HAHA. What happened in the past is the past. I can't possibly let problems to conquer my feelings. Im still too young(ehem). Why must boys be one of the reasons to pressure me? So, let them go and die. They can come to me(HAHA). Problems at home is manageable. Friends, is ok i guess? I should let them do whatever they want. Im not their parents to stop them from doing the wrong things. I myself did wrong things. I just don't understand why some just like to follow their friends. Popularity? Forced? I admit I do follow friends sometimes. But to do bad things? I do it myself mind you. Ok, its useless of talking about this bullshit.
Long eh my post? Well, pelan pelan kayuh okaaaaay. HAHAHA.
[ 10:16 AM ]
life is not being fair to me.
(Nvm dian,I'm always here for you <33>Choose your right choice and don't end up regretting like me.Love is so blind.In the beginning everything seems so sweet and nice.But after you know each other's true colours,the feeling will fade away.Ugh sick.So CHOOSE PROPERLY. We've got a LONG WAY TO GO.We not going to kahwin besok whatt. we will meet new people.DONT WORRY YEAH (:And if you want a lunch date with me,msn me. cheyyyy.)Thanks Fatin. I totally agree with you. Yeah, we have a long way to go. If we love now, its just temporary in life. Exceptional for u and eka of course. You and him equals to eternal love. Haha. I shouldn't treat this as a burden to my life. Its nothing to be sad about. I chose to suffer when all I can do is to forget and move on with life. This is not the whole reason I was being such a dumbass lately. One after another would be added to my problem list without me wanting to. Just yesterday, I received a bad news. Upset much? Totally. Im confused with the journey of my life. At a certain period of time, I would be so content with my life. At that point of time, I believed I was the luckiest girl on earth. Then, out of a sudden, problems just come out of nowhere without a warning. These would go on for a longer period of time. When, Im over and overcome it, Im back to the happy life. A cycle. I hate it. Alot. Despite everything that happened, I accept it with an open arm(trying to).
[ 11:50 PM ]
Im going to stick with this format way. It looks more presentable? It also helps me to improve on my way of writing my RJs. Haha. Someone told me that my english is cute in terms of the language and the structure. I like to type in informal way and tends to get carried away when writing my RJs. So, my RJs would be in a formal format but have the sort of informal content? Something like that. I didn't realise at all until this person told me. That was when I re-read my RJs and it IS sort of funny. It's as though I was not doing my homework for my facci but more like to a friend. So, all this while, I wrote like that. But hey, I still got good/average grades ok. Oh well, its up to the point of views of the readers. Some might like it, some might not. Im ok with either one. Haha. See, after how many words and sentence I typed, I only laughed two times. Haha. Make it three.
[ 11:08 PM ]
I can't find any other pictures other than this. This picture depicts what I am really going through now. Its obvious isn't it? I am thoroughly unhappy with a few situations that im facing this moment. Im trying my best to be the lively me, but I certainly can't lie with my own feelings. I had put my best effort to plaster all the sorrows and somehow I didn't fully succeed. Apparently, some still managed to detect my real self. Im really sorry if I made some worried shit about me; constantly asking how am I and so on. Im deeply touched. I just need some time to recover from everything. Life is full of ups and downs. Right now, Im having my downs moment. I sincerely apologise if I have been such a brat this few days. Im trying to cope with my life. Problems after problems. It never seems to cease. Instead, it bombard me out of a sudden and caught me off-guard. Lucky, I am strong enough to handle this. If not, I think its the end of my life. jeez, emotional.
[ 9:21 PM ]
im awed with the concerned that my classmates showed me.
so sweet like cupcake with a cherry and cream on top.
yes, i admit i was being unspontaneous today.
feeling culpable when one by one started asking why i was quiet.
the care some showed and willing to listen to my trouble,
is really overwhelming.
aww, im getting emotional again.
but seriously, these little acts of gesture impressed me.
ohh well, mama made such a big fuss about the incident this morning.
she was lol-ing the minute i reached home.
and she tell dad and sis what happened.
so malu can..
they were obviously taken aback.
coz they know me long enough to judge me.
i didn't cry that easily.
and yes, thats true.
today is my first time i cried in 2009.
haha.
went home with iqah and aqilah today.
truthfully, i did feel relieved to have them there.
sharing each other's problem and trying to advise each other.
u guys help me in some way or another.
thank you so much(:
i guess time would unveil everything.
im not ready for any consequences.
but i will try.
[ 11:24 AM ]
tu wilbur sumpah mintak kene sepak!
KANNINA BUI CIBAI.
wehh, skrg aku ngan yg laen tk involve tau dlm conflict ni.
APER MUKER KITER MCM SHIT?!
MUKER KAU TU MCM TAIK CAIR LAAAAAA SIALAN.
ah kau, kan dah kene maki cukop2.
ni first time eh tahun ni aku maki ni mcm terok.
KALAU KAU TU BERANI SGT, JGN NK BUAL BESAR PAT BLOG.
BERANI SGT KN! ASL NK KENE BABITKN ABANG KAU!
SIALAN.
ONE TO ONE AH SIAL!
KITER LAWAN AHH...
KAU INGAT KITER SUMER TAKOT PER SIAL.
fatin is a nice girl k.
aku tkkn involve ah dlm korang nyer conflict.
but since kn, aku bacer kau nk involve2 kn kiter kn..
den alright, let it be so!
jgn bual gerek pat blog..nk step "gua, lu, gua, lu"
lu maner peh baju babi!
lagi sekali kau involve kn aku semuer,
watch out ah siol.
fatin, please ignore this pathetic woman yg muker macam taik cair!
dier nk blog psl kiter, let it be so.
act as if nothing happened.
cb.
[ 10:54 AM ]
supposingly, it should be a great day for me.
today is communication practice; my favourite.
but my moodswing starts right after i took my first step in the class.
know why?
coz apparently, something was bothering me.
shall not say here coz i probably would hurt another party.
but it really bothers me that i just want to get out of the class and go home.
called mama during the first break and surprisingly, i cried.
i really cried. tears were flowing like waterfall.
mama was so shocked.
when she heard my reason for crying, she LOL-ed all the way.
coz the reason quite lame la.
haha.
hopefully nobody saw me. coz that is embarrassing.
i don't know what happened to me today.
guess i couldn't control my feelings anymore.
im still utterly feeling down.
but thanks to ______,
he made my day and credits to him too,
im smiling a sincere smile. (:
[ 11:01 PM ]
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
indeed, everything is true. definitely a last post.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspxtry urself.
[ 9:40 PM ]
this is the third time im blogging and hopefully it would be the last one for the day. im currently feeling extremely upset, sad, miserable, despondent, gloomy, down, wretched and whatever words that has the same meaning as it. everything is just too much for me to bear. it can't always be me to cool things down and give in. i can't always be the one to let bygones be bygones. why can't i do things that you can do. i didn't stop you from doing anything coz its ur choice, ur doings; ur life. who am i to stop you from doing something i don't like? but who are u to stop me? sure u didn't stop me by telling me to, but ur reactions was just too obvious. as i said, i have patience up to a certain limit and its almost gone. right now it just reached to an extend where i just need to burst out and cry. i know u won't care coz u never did. u give me hopes but i know it was a false one from the very start. why can't you just understand my feelings for once? right now, im not giving any chances. you wanna things to be this way, then let it be so. i don't give a damn anymore.
fuck, everything is a bullshit.
[ 9:03 PM ]
see my eyebrow..
so thinnnn like thread ):
that was last time k.
now no more.
haha.
but truthfully, i actually prefer the thin ones.
coz i look nicer.
those who disagree, please agree.
HAHAHAHA.
ohh well, im really bored to death.
guess what?
UT test which is something like exam is coming up.
and i just downloaded all the things that needed to be studied a few hours ago.
and till now, i just managed to go through one powerpoint slides.
HAHA.
wanna bet i get the lowest grade?
we'll seeeeeeee.
[ 12:18 PM ]
working is fun because im not working with boss.
good right(:
im beginning to get irritated by kids.
i still love kids, seriously i do.
but not as much as how i used to.
anyway, saturday's was spent at worked the whole day.
after work, had to go mum's office coz they were there.
blame my mum's boss la.
everything last minute.
and guess what time they finally ended their task.
.
.
.
nearly midnight!
like what the...
i dunno what to blog about anymore.
i have alot to say but i just can't put everything in words.
and i really had no mood today.
was fine in the morning.
but now..urgh..
nehmind.
everyone has patience up to their limit.
and for those who knows me well,
i get impatient in a matter of few seconds.
i get angry pretty easily.
now, i've learnt to control my anger.
but still, i do have patience.
please don't abuse it okay.
people see me laughing but i was really being serious.
you can joke around, but please..up to a limit please.
trust me, when my patience has reached to its peak,
don't bother to cool me down.
and fyi, im almost losing my patience right now.
i may not show it but i feel it.
and don't ever regret of losing my friendship
coz i've warned you so.
[ 10:44 AM ]
this is totally insane.
im back to the first step again.
rewinding the whole series.
a new crush with a new guy.
and i know, it won't get any further.
im trying to stop this feeling,
but its getting worse.
im hating this but at the same i like it.
hating to see that i would get hurt in the end.
hate this so much coz it reminds me of choc almond.
like it coz that means im over with all the miseries in my love life.
over with him.
i guess.
i want him to know but at the same time not to.
afraid that he won't feel the same.
afraid that something is going to change in the future.
should i tell him or should i not?
[ 10:24 PM ]
i really miss her.
today went home with mama.
went tp to eat ayam penyem but sadly, its closed.
so went macs since kfc is really to far for us.
and i saw stella. with another 2 strangers.
my heart skip a beat when i saw her.
and i just had the temptations to hug her tight.
but i didn't.
all i manage to do was to smile and wave. only.
how pathetic can that be?
true enough, it was awkward after the "incident".
but we've known each other so long.
and there was a period of time, she was part of us.
but she left me (us?) in the middle of my journey of life.
or did we left her?
...
i was on the verge of crying after that.
i was quiet for a moment and the next thing i know,
i blurt out all of a sudden to mama;
"ma, i miss her alot."
this is seriously not those lesbo feeling2 ehh..
just a feeling of losing a dear friend.
my mum was lost for word.
and she ask me;
"then why didn't u approach her and hug her?".
and there goes the silence again.
i didn't answer, coz i don't know how.
and yes, i asked that myself.
if i were to have forgive her and forget everything, why didn't i just approached her?
she has always been there for me when i needed her the most.
but where was i when she needed me?
true friends forgive one another. but did i?
true friends forget another's mistake. did i?
true friends would be by another's side 24/7. have i?
if she were ever to read this, i just wanna say im truly sorry.
feeling truly, deeply terrible.
[ 10:03 PM ]
it has been almost a month schooling.
and i've adapted well with the environment and the study system.
class which was quiet and reserved on the first week
was really hyper now.
so many things happen in class that i think i should just keep it to myself.
i don't want to suffer myself by typing everything in a go.
its a pity i was lazy enough to update daily and as a result,
i had to leave out all the wonderful stuffs that happened.
blame my laziness.
i would try my best to update regularly from now onwards.
such a waste not to use the school electricity when its free.
HAHA.
ohh well, my class becoming more retarded now.
see the video call?
guess how far am i from syiqin?
.
.
.
we were sitting side by side.
almost touching from shoulder to shoulder.
and yet, we video called.
thats how retarded we are.
HAHA.
im famous in class as the pervert girl.
due to a fact that i drew shapes in msn.
LOL-ed.
ok, only we know.
you guys pandai2 teke la ehhhh.
i think im loving my class more.
it is somehow like 4e4.
the hyper, united ones.
sadly, we only going to be together for 4 months.
and then, poof, change class.
should i be excited about it?
[ 2:39 PM ]
HAHA.
since fatin misses us,
i should make an effort to blog this too.
I MISS YOU ALL TOOOOO!
poly is not as relaxing as we tot we
would be.
it's really tiring, although i dunno wat makes me tired.
its relaxing in a way that we can chat and surf the net all the time.
and having longer break times.
but tiring in the whole picture.
we were dismissed 3.30pm everyday and this sucks alot.
and we have to walk frm inter to sch in the morn
and frm sch to inter in the aft.
and its faaaar ok.
although there are bus service, its a waste of money.
and walking is a good way to keep fit.
im not complaining.
but..its just tiring. haha.
k, i really misssssss my laro coz i didn't see her for weeks?!
and met fatin this morning and this was just a lucky bump.
or else, we won't meet. lol.
k, i just miss them.
i miss my sec school.
and since today is science lesson,
I MISS MY SCIENCE TEACHER.
[ 9:54 PM ]
im still stuck in the middle of choosing my IG.
i still want canoeing pls.
okay, forget about canoeing coz i know die2 oso i can't join.
lets move on to athletics.
this has been my dreams since i was a kid.
haha.
found the contact person if im interested to join.
but should i?
im half-hearted to join this coz im afraid i might feel left out.
and i don't think i can run anymore.
soccer was a big nono for me.
apparently, i really wanted to join sports IG.
that what i really wanted.
but it seems like the sport IGs are so limited.
which is not coz they do have lots of choices.
i seriously don't know what im blabbering about.
maybe i should join..magic?
HAHAHA.
ohh well, its not sports so NO.
someone bang my head on the wall la please.
i need counselling on these. URGH.
[ 9:31 PM ]
i hate today.
and sadly, its not because of monday blues.
i was being energetic in the morning.
and i even greet my facci which i later on regretted much.
i hate this facci coz he..
i shall not vulgar, coz i want to be budak baek olredi.
and due to this, my mood went all the waaaay down.
forget bout this, lets talk about my IGs.
its seems like i didn't update much bout my school haven't i?
well, canoeing HAS been my first choice and my dreams.
buuuut, "jeng3".....
it was held on weekdays AND weekends.
how pathetic can this be?
so i made a mental calculation on how to divide times among evrything,
and i failed to manage it.
soooooo, i joined..
FLOORBALL.
of all the IGs (and rp seriously do have lots of interesting IGs),
i joined floorball.
i should just bang my head on the wall man.
i can't even play floorball!
apparently, i really really really wanted to join track and field.
its my dream rite? to run.
being the most selenge-est ever, i didn't know that atheletics is supposingly to be
track and field.
and the day i found out it is, can't register.
heartbroken to the max sioool.
and i can't skip floorball, since that was the only cca i signed up.
apart from SHL club.
at this point of time, i just need someone to scream at me.
how i wished i could turn back time, and viewed my email and
clicked the registration on atheletics.
AAAHHH.
k, stop it dian.
ohh well, floorball it is then.
although, i really wished i can have another chance to register something else.
last friday which was may day, labour day whatever day..
well, happy belated anniversary to my parents?
this year, me and my sis cooked breakfast for them.
i fried hashbrowns and french fries while my sis made pancakes.
and yesss, i cannot kawin. coz i fail in cooking.
cannot salahkn eh..i RARELY helped my mum unlike my sis.
but thats okay, i still have time to improve right?
and i make sure i would be pro at it.
HAHA.
k den, in the afternoon had an outing with the grp 5s.
we are really getting along well.
wouldn't it be fun if all of us are in the same class?
surely it would be the most fun class ever.
and i love the day itself.
great outing peoples!
i have too many dates but i just can't find the time to go out with any of them.
pathetic.
im really sorry if i keep delaying.
i need to make a date with besties to celebrate belated bdae.
i need to free myself to go night safari with irwan.
i need to find a time to go beach-walking with haikal.
and theres many more dates to come.
this kills me man.
[ 1:38 PM ]
TODAY SUCKS ALOT.
HATE MY FACCI.
HATE THE SUBJECT.
HATE EVERYTHING.