Hello, my name is Dian Farhana
Friends call me Dian. Colleagues/teachers/faci/strangers prefer calling me Farhana.
I don’t why, they just do. -.-
For me? I’m fine with both, really. (:
I have a lot of nicknames; some are too embarrassing to state down.
Well, I’m officially legal as of 8 February 1992. Nothing to brag off actually.
Yes, it sure sounds sexciting and I do anticipate for this special day.
But once it’s over, it’s over. My life goes on, still the same every single day. -.-
I’m taking a diploma in RP majoring in Sports and Leisure management.
This may not be my first choice but still, I am really glad I get into this course.
I shall live my hopes on seeing my one and only idol, Usain Bolt.
Yes, I’m a big fan of him because I go “wow” when I see him runs and I go “oooh~” when he wins. :p
Oh well, it was just a wish. I hope it would come true though. :D USAIN BOLT, please visit Singapore, pretty please with millions cherries on tops.
One word, nine letters to describe myself.
I’m different; metaphorically though.
I’m different in a way that I have my own mindset and my thoughts, my belief; my thinking is different from others.
I guess I belong to the minority groups that think the same way as I do.
I think I am anti-social.
Honestly, I’m not a person who mingles with strangers and hit off with them like polaroid instantly.
I am quiet when I’m alone. But once I’m with a bunch of crazy friends around me, be prepared to see me being crazier than them.
I don’t like noisy places or worse, crowded places.
I just have this feeling that everyone is staring at me and that is scary.
I pity my parents most of the time because they are usually pressured whenever we are dining out.
I am born to be stubborn. That’s something you have to bear with me.
I want things to go my way. I am extremely determined to achieve what I want and it must happen.
I am very demanding. Try go against me, I’ll give you a triple worse attitude. Wanna give it a try?
I am egoistic, that I can’t deny. I always wanted to win. But sometimes (rarely). I would relent; that’s when you guys are lucky though.
I don’t like people who use profanities.
I can’t stand people saying it even though it’s once in a while.
But sometimes, I do say it too. :p But I’ll regret and smack my mouth.
I rarely feel angry. I guess that’s the only positive thing I am proud of myself.
But once I do, I’ll go extremely superbly quiet.
I guess I’ve learnt it since I was small to always keep my mouth shut.
That’s why it’s hard for me to console people who are angry with me.
Oh, but at the same time I am a rebel person too. Contradicting, I know.
But I would only rebel when things doesn’t go my way.
I rebel in my quiet way. I may be quiet when I am angry but I rebel at the same time. Get it?
I’m patient. Patience with limits. Be friends with me and you‘ll know how high my patience is.
Im not perfect.
And there’s still more weakness in me which I’ve yet to reveal.
Despite all these imperfections, I have a fair share of my strength in myself.
But that is for you guys to judge me. Now enough about myself.
Meet my one and only boyfriend, Nadhir Osman.
♥ My one love, my one heart, my one life for sure.♥
22.02.2010, that’s the special date. And it is special to us somehow in terms of the numeric terms.
As cliché as it may sound, but he completes my life.
He’s my best friend, my best companion, my best advisor, my best everything.
He may not be the most perfect guy in every girl’s eye, but he is to me.
His imperfections are perfect enough to be my better half.
Our relationship may not be as those like in fairytales.
We live in a place called reality.
We’ve had our share of fights and arguments but we never let them get us down.
How much I love him, why do I love him..it’s better left unsaid.
Just so all of you know, HE knows, that I love him truly; always and forever, eternity and beyond.♥
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Pengharapan Ini - azyza[ 3:55 PM ]
Mungkinkah telah ditakdirkan pada ku Ku hanya menanti kau kembali ke pangkuan ku ini Setelah lama menanti dan terus ku menanti Kau tak pernah terfikirkan pengharapan ini
Mungkinkah kau tidak menyanyangi ku Berguguran dedaunan kasih yang tak pernah kesampaian Dalam menempuh ranjau yang penuh onak nan berduri Luka nya terlalu pedih menghiriskan jiwa ku
Aku Tidak lagi terdaya Ku rasa kan segala Hancur dihempas ombak gelora
Kini Ku berdoa agar semuanya Kan kembali ke asalnya Biarlah ku lupakan mu
Di dalam hati Tak akan terjawab persoalan Biarlah ia tersimpan kini Kan menjadi bunga yang tak akan berseri
Di kerinduan Semuanya tidak akan pasti Adakah mencintai mu dan membenci lagi
Kuserahkan segala pada Illahi Kuserahkan segala pada yang esa
Monday, September 28, 2009
If I let you go - Westlife[ 6:48 PM ]
day after day time pass away and I just can't get you off my mind nobody knows I hide it inside I keep on searching but i can't find
the courage to show to letting you know I've never felt so much love before and once again I'm thinkin' about takin' the easy way out
but if I let you go I will never know what my life would be holding you close to me will I ever see you smiling back at me oh yeah how will I know if I let you go
night after night I hear myself say why can't this feeling just fade away there's no one like you you speak to my heart it's such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask I'm too proud to lose but sooner or later I've gotta choose and once again I'm thinkin' about taking the easy way out
but if I let you go I will never know what my life would be holding you close to me will I ever see you smiling back at me oh yeah how will I know if I let you go
if I let you go, oh baby
oooh
once again I'm thinkin' about takin' the easy way out
but if I let you go I will never know what my life would be holding you close to me (close to me) will I ever see you smiling back at me oh yeah how will I know if I let you go
but if I let you go I will never know (oh baby)
will I ever see you smiling back at me oh yeah How will I know (how will i know) if I let you go
Saturday, September 26, 2009
MLIA[ 12:42 AM ]
Tuesday. -Rot at home. -7.30 work till 2
Wednesday. -Not jalan-ing raya because dad is working. -Rot at home
Thursday. -Woke up late. Lucky Iqah called, or else... -Went to Rp IT helpdesk. -8.30 work till 2
Friday. -Get results. I passed all my subjects. SADly, no A this time. 3 Cs and 2 Bs. -Went out with Fatinwinterlove to Far East. -Ayam Penyet -Sister's friends came for hari raye.
MLIA
Kinda boring huh?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Raya day 2[ 10:59 PM ]
The previous post was kinda brief. Lets continue here. Ok, so my family was betting what is the colour of the year. Me - Red. Dad - Blue. Mum - Brown. Sis - Pink. Actually I also thought of white but then I can only choose one colour. Well, the winner was my DAD. We saw alot of Blues this year. But some say its brown. So don't know which la. Hehehe.
Today, we went lesser place. Again, we're out late. And home early because most was not at home. Should be continuing on wed night or weekends.
Anyway anyway, my house will be having open house on 3rd oct. Senang2 dtg ehhhhh.. :D
Nk address, bleh mintak. HAHAHA
Selamat Hari Raya[ 1:36 AM ]
I know this is kind of late. Its like the second day of raya already but still, it still raya right? Haha. First and foremost, I would like to wish Salam Aidilfitri to all umat Islam. Siapa yang tk puasa, jangan raya k pls. Muke tk tau malu. Girls who have hit puberty are exception eh. Hahahaha.
Minta Maaf banyak segala salah dan silap yang saya dah buat ye. Kalau terkasar bahasa, tu tak sengaje. Kalau sengaje pon, harap dimaafkan la ehhhh. Bak kata pepatah Aizat,
"klw ter very rude to u ke ape....semua tu joke je...jgn amik hati...amik paru..bak kata patah org putih.."dun take it to heart,take it to lungs.." hehe"
Layankan ajerrrrr..
Anyway, forgive about this plain entry. The thing is, we didn't manage to take pictures of my family because did not bring camera. Sad rightttt. This year, my baju very the nice seyyyyy. But nevermind la, things happened.
So, first day raye. We came out from our house kind of late. Almost 2 I think. Which results to little money. But its ok, Im cool. HAHA
Will be jalan raya again tomorrow. Sadly, I need to work on tues night so cannot jalan raye. Prolly, would continue on wednesday. -.- pfft.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Love.[ 1:03 PM ]
Have you ever felt that feeling whenever you see someone, you freeze and your heart starts to beat so fast and you have to hold on to something so you wouldn’t fall? Sometimes when they talk to you, do you utter stupid words and end up embarrassing yourself? It’s not that you want it, but just the presence of that person makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Would you be brave and admit your feelings? What if it’s simply not meant to be, do you give up? Or keep trying and end up with nothing? Well, that’s love. Its irony speaks, but you got to take risks to get answers. When you meet someone and you gradually fall in love with that person, try to express your love to her because every moment you wasted would be equal to tons of regret in the end. Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they are gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry they won’t hear you anymore.
The love you can’t have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most. It’s so hard pretending to be friends with someone special when every time you look at that person it just hurts even more knowing that all you see is ultimately everything that you want but you can’t have. Isn’t it stupid when you say, “no, I don’t love that person anymore.” But still, when the memories are refresh and that person become visible again in your life. You’ll stare and say, “Damn it! Why can’t I forget you?” So each time I see you, I say to myself, “I moved on.” Each time you smile at me, I say to myself, “yeah, were just friends!” But every time you look at me, I end up saying, “Shit! It’s so hard to pretend!” It’s hard to love someone who is not serious enough. Time would give you chances to talk, chances to be together and chances to share. See how it hurts?! You only have chances, just chances.
A heartbreak isn’t as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is no one really hears it except you. You can handle the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on. But you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who failed and hurt you is still the person you’ll choose to love. I cried so many times because of a love lost and a love I never really had. I suffered pain worse than dying. But feelings change and there’s one lesson that everybody should learn in time…move on. You can’t finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It’s a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It’s just like loving again after experiencing pain. Loving someone can’t be proven with just the way you feel, the words you say or the things you give. If you’ve ignored yourself and sacrificed your own happiness for the one you love, you know what love means.
ICE CUBE VS SENTOSA[ 12:04 PM ]
Yesterday was my first day. Buka-ed nearby there since my work starts at 7.15. Working was... okay. I met cool people over there. All are around my age. There's butch but she's nice (: I think Im closer to her then the rest. Just because i was stuck with her the whole day la. Haha. So my first day, I had to be in the kitchen. Learn how to make waffles and stuff. Looks easy but it was actually hard. Needs ALOT of practices especially the crepe. However, I prefer the kitchen then working outside because to entertain the customer was not my forte. LOL. I actually freaked out handling 2 customers. And I had to serve to 3 tables. One of the cutomers actually "sabotage" me. Ask what food was that and all. Pfft. But the rest was ok. The staff say, "you haven't seen their true colours". Okay, that was scary. Anyway, there was big boss and well, I thought he was okay. But the minute he went off, gosh, EVERY ONE of the staff complain about the boss(es). From what I've heard is that you had to be extremely PERFECT in your job and the way you did your work or else - off you go. That is scarier. And worse, they told me there has been quite a number who was kicked off. They just love to scare me I guess but thats what they said, its the truth. Luck was on my side (or so they said), I worked with all the nicest people. Lol. But yeah, they are nice.
Worked till 11.30pm. Which was a good thing so I don't have to take cab home. Reached home around 12.30pm. Heh. Well, will be working on saturday night, which is Hari Raya's eve. Fuck sia. From 8pm till 2am. But no choice, because its either I work that day or I had to work on Hari Raya from 8.30pm till 2am. Tsktsk. Cannot go bazaar and join the massive people to celebrate the last night of Ramadan. Humph! -.-
Anyway anyway, like wtheck. Minutes to break fasting, I received a call. From SENTOSA. Apparently, they called regarding the admission host post that I had applied weeks ago and they would like me to come down for interview. Wahlaoweiiiii, when I got a job then all call want to hire me. Ass la. But then I already decided then maybe I would get 2 jobs which means I may not have any freedom. Mum agreed.
Me: Mama, if I work everyday den balek pagi2 buta, dah tak boleh nampak Dian lagi tau. Tak rindu ke? (Mama, if I work everyday then go home in the wee morning, you won't see me y'knw. You won't miss me?)
Mum: (serious face) Tak lah. Bagos la tak nampak, tak gadoh hari2. ( No la. Good la never see, so won't quarell everyday)
Me and mum: LOL
Yeah, 100% agree with her. Its sort of a good thing. My sin would be lesser. HAHA.
Chao yang school[ 11:04 AM ]
Yesterday was the day I had a trip to a special school - Chao yang School. Basically the purpose is for us who take part in the carnival could have the "feel" as to how these kids character are. Reported at 7 at yck mrt and reached school around 8. Only God knows what I was feeling at that moment. Of course, its not like any ordinary school and I kept thinking what these kids could possibly do to me. My whole body are shaking with fears as I entered the school compound but I shook it off and be confident. Little did I know, it was like any other primary school! They had primary 1, 2 and so forth. Only the difference is that each class could only managed maximum 12 people. I was at the canteen which was just below the hall and we can here the kids singing the anthem with great enthusiasm. Loud and clear. The pledge was the same. And, we can hear a great thump sound by the end of it. Yes, you got it right - SENANG DIRI. LOL. Primary 4s and 5s first lessons for the day was P.E. That was a benefit to us so that we could play and get along with them. Me and my group took the primary 5s which had a larger quantity - 50 kids. I was damn pleased because my group get to play with the large parachute instead of the medium ones. HAHA. Anyway, it was held in the hall. The fears came back to me once I looked at the kids. They turned back and it was as though they were staring at us. Lucky some of the people in my groups are very socialable and they approached the kids at once. Me and Iqah was standing at the back waiting for the sky to fall. Haha. But then, we mustered up our courage and approached the kids. We went to these 2 girls - Malay and Chinese. I greeted them with my most amicable act. They seemed shy. I asked their name and they keep telling each other off to tell their name first. Eventually, I tell them my name first followed by Iqah THEN they tell me their name. Nuraini and I forgot whats the chinese's girl name. Heh. Then, we resume to our activities. We had a normal P.E lessons (Its been ages since I had one) and did some warm up (my body crack here and there but I felt relieved). After the warm ups we had games. We had shuttle run, brisk walking and more. My groups often came last but I got the great kids! :D After that, we had passing ball game and then we had a skipping rope game (LOL). So they had to find a partner for the skipping rope and this chinese girl approached me and cling to my side. "I want to be your partner". Thats what she said to me with the widest smile. So we had fun playing with the ropes and all. Last but not least, we had the parachute game! So we had to hold hands and make into a circle. This malay girl named Seri, came up to me and hold my hands. "Kiter nk hold hand awak" (I want to hold your hand). I felt like I was the "favourite kid" over there. HAHA. After loads of fun, out of the blue, Seri said this, "Awak, awak ingat namer kiter tau. Namer kiter Seri" (You, You remember my name ok. My name is Seri). Gosh, that was very sweet of her and yes, I didn't forget (: After the P.E lessons ended, teachers asked them if they wanted us to come back. Unexpectedly, every one of them roared with glee and said yes immediately. Happy la of course. :D
The thing ended barely 2 hours but I had a great time of my life. Although the time spent was not long, but I learn alot from them. One of which is that they are just like us. They're not any different from normal kids. In fact, I would agree that these kids are much better than the "normal" ones. Look, these kids actually sang the anthem and recite the pledge with enthusiasm, something we normal people SHOULD do but we did not. The games I played with them, they are exactly the same like any normal school would play. They listened to our instructions very very well. Like when we gave a sign to stop, they stop. Ever seen a primary school that when teacher told them to stop, EVERYONE actually stop? NO.
Isn't it magnificent? Indeed they are special. I wouldn't regard them as special "special". But more to being a special kids with a gift in them. We should be ashamed that people like them can do something with enthusiasm and follow instructions very well while we who what people would say normal, but we failed to even follow a simple rule.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Gummy Bear[ 2:33 PM ]
Cute Song! :D
Paradiso Girls ft Eve - Patron Tequila[ 2:26 PM ]
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Avril Lavigne[ 1:47 AM ]
Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatadada dadadadada
I'm tuggin' at my hair I'm pullin' at my clothes I'm tryin' to keep my cool I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red And i'm searching for the words inside my head
Cuz I'm feeling nervous Tryin' to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it Yeah...
If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you--away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down--on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say
It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time What use is it to you what's on my mind? If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere So why can't I just tell you that I care?
'Cause I'm feeling nervous Tryin' to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it Yeah...
If I could say what I wanna say I'd say I want to blow you--away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I wanna see I want to see you go down--on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say
(What is)What's wrong with my tongue? These words keep slipping away I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say
'Cause I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it, you're worth it Yeah...
Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatadada dadadadada *2
I guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you--away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I want to see I want to see you go down--on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never Say...........
Why, do you always do this to me? Why, couldn't you just see through me? How come, you act like this Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall? I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to feel this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, do you think we could last forever? Tell me, why
Hey, listen to what we're not saying Let's play, a different game than what we're playing Try, to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart? I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to feel this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, you think we could last forever? Tell me, why
So go and think about whatever you need to think about Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, do you think we could last forever? Tell me, why
So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead Was it something I did? Was it something You said? Don't leave me hanging In a city so dead Held up so high On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be
[Chorus:] You were everything, everything that I wanted We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away All this time you were pretending So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say They tell you I'm difficult But so are they But they don't know me Do they even know you? All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do [CD version] All the stuff that you do [radio edited version]
You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be
[Chorus]
It's nice to know that you were there Thanks for acting like you cared And making me feel like I was the only one It's nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done
[Chorus x2]
[x2] Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh... So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
I cannot find a way to describe it It's there inside; all I do is hide I wish that it would just go away What would you do, you do, if you knew What would you do
[Chorus:] All the pain I thought I knew All the thoughts lead back to you Back to what was never said Back and forth inside my head I can't handle this confusion I'm unable; come and take me away
I feel like I am all alone All by myself I need to get around this My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you If I show you, I don't think you'd understand Cause no one understands
[Chorus]
I'm going nowhere (on and on and) I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on) Take me away I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on) (and off and on)
[Chorus]
Take me away Break me away Take me away
Don't ask me why the sudden post of Avril Lavigne. HEHEHE. Very random, I know. I listened to a few of her song in youtube and somehow her lyrics are kind of like my situations. Ok, yeah enjoy the videos. :D
Gymnastics[ 12:46 AM ]
I was kinda bored and as always, I spent time surfing the internet. Today, I went to youtube and searched something different. LOL. Kes betol betol nye boring ni. So I searched about gymnastics and I found 3 great videos. And well, I also founf out that Nadia Comaneci was the best gymnastics in the world and being the first gymnastics to score perfect 10 in history. Tsktsk. Ok here's some video..Have fun watching! :D
Nadia comaneci and the first perfect ten in the history.
Gymnastics Bloopers!
Gymnastics Montage: Not Always Happy Endings
It was sure hard to be a gymnastic. HEHE.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
fatin i loveee you more[ 11:11 PM ]
Hehe, yes that's right. You sweet uh winterlove. Thanks eh for loving me. HAHAHAHA. Okayokay, that just sound so wrong. Well, this girl is my bestfriend eh please. Not Lesbo kind of love. Anyway, wish both of us an infinity of good luck that our *MIA GUY* would be the in the same class next semester :D
Anyway, from now on, I shall keep in mind about the 11:11 thing. I really need as many luck I can get. I hope that 11:11 thing works! Fatin, you try that kkk. Who knows, it might happen. HE HE HE. :D
Friday, September 11, 2009
Geylang sipaku Geylang[ 11:48 PM ]
Today I break fast with Fatinwinterlove. Met at tpy to break fast instead of at geylang because there would be crowded for sure. So we walked from one end to one end and then back to the first end to break fast at BK. But then, no seat uh, so we walked again and end up at Macs. Lol. Then, we bus-ed down to geylang. Not that kind of place in geylang ok please but at the bazaar. But of course, at the same time, cuci mata la kan. eh Fatin eh? We both single mingle kan kan kan? HAHA :D
So once we reached there, we walked throughout the whole bazaar. Ni Fatin uh ni. Nak tengok cushion, table cloth tu sumer. HAHAHA. Then, blame me nak tengok langsir. LOL. Macam makcik2 uh kiter. Anyway, along the way we had fun disturbing each other about the stuff there. With the curtains, flower, table cloth etc.
At the end of the bazaar, we bought food for our dearest family at home. See, we are such a nice daughter. *Whatever* Hehe. Ok, here comes the highlights of the day...
We were crossing the road. Then that stupid mat police make such a loud sound that made me turned towards his direction. ANDDDDDDD, I missed choc almond crossing the road. So once we reached the other side, dearest Fatin was like "Diaaaaaan, ____!"..I can still ask, "Which ____?"..Once she answered "Choc Almond!"..I turned back only to see a friend of him. Tsktsk. Sad siol. I missed him. But nevermind, just one of my dumbest day. HAHAHA.
Anyway, it was a great day spent with dearest winterlove. What's with the bitching(hard to resist), laughing, MATCHMAKING, and most of all, the FUN we had! :D Thanks winterlove, ily! HEHE.
Oh yeaaaah, met WS at tpy with Yazid. Then, saw Hanan with Yazid at BK. Then saw Aqila at bazaar. HEHEHE
Chatted with Fatinwinterlove earlier on. Our topic of the day was about guys. But not any kind of guys. We talked about those despo guys. So basically, Fatin met this someone who have a similar attitude with He Who Must Not Be Named. You know who la eh Fatin eh eh eh? :D
Well, I was just wondering if guys are actually somewhat desperate to get what they want and will sulk if they didn't get what they want like a five-year-old kid who throw tantrums when they are not allowed to eat ice-cream? Come on, we have reasons as to why we reject people. Maybe it was damn too early. Maybe he was just not our cup of tea. Maybe and lots of maybes.
It is like a damn wrong thing for us girls to be close to guys because they would just take it the wrong way. Get this straight guys, when we begin to be close does not literally mean we have feelings for you. It is just that we are starting to feel comfortable. And just because, we become close, you just HAVE to take that chances and tell your "oh-I've-found-my-right-one" feelings straight to our faces. Just a little advise, we girls sometimes like to take things slow. So when we are close, just give a little more time and react only when us girls began to show the symptoms or signs to you guys to make a move.
Whats worse was when we barely know each other. It took 17 years for my parents to get used to my attitude and they have yet to fully understand my life. What makes you think, you know us very well in a matter of weeks or months? Tsktsk. Shame on you guys. Correction, shame on this TYPE of guys.
[ 1:17 PM ]
Funny how sometimes when you are sure of something and you feel like you are on cloud nine and in the next minute, you stumble on something that ruins your confidence and built up doubts in yourself. Well, that's life. Whichever way you turn, you can never seems to avoid the doubtfulness in life. And I just feel so irritated having to doubt things when before I was very sure that everything will be fine and going on smoothly. My itchy hand just HAD to browse the saved documents and click on that one particular file. And voila, I'm doubting and hating myself now. ):
She: Hey, are you guys like an item or something?
He: What the shit? No..why? Hahaha
She: You have feelings for her?
He: HAHAHA
She: So what's the answer?
He: No..Hahaha..Funny ah u..HAHAHA
She: No feelings at all?
He: No feelings. Why? Does she like me?
She: I don't know.
He: Okay Whatever.
She: Ok. If she likes you, what will you do?
He: Nothing. Unless she tell me directly, then I will talk to her..IF she dare to tell me
She: What will you talk to her?
He: Privacy.
She: Tell me. Will you reject her?
He: I don't know. Probably.
She: Why would you reject her?
He: I don't know. Maybe I'm not ready. I want to explore more. Maybe she's not my type.
*Adapted. This was in 20th May. She was my friend. And He was the guy.
Just recently me and the guy had a chat. Its in early August. And it started off a normal chat which slowly change into a serious topic(not really serious) and well oh well, we talked about crushes and love and stuff. Random, I know. Well, I remember it was 4th August and that day was the happiest day of my life(not really, but Im still happy). The great relieved I felt when I knew I was not clapping on one hand. Its too awesome to be a reality but it was. Well, life are not really a fairytale. It just end there and then after we both knew our feelings due to some illogical matters. But then, all I knew was that it would be worth the wait. I am SURE that everything would be turn out fine in the end. We just had to wait for the right time.
And, today I stumbled across these convo which I've long forgotten. The words just crushed my heart and my dreams. I began to doubt his words. I began to doubt reality. Am I really in a one-sided love? Did he meant his words or was he merely trying to put hopes in me? Doubting.
I hope one day, you would realized just how much I have feelings for you and then maybe you will stop giving high hopes to me.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
ICE3 CAFE[ 4:24 PM ]
L-O-L. What does she think I am? Riding a bicycle or skate board? I didn't know how to ride is one thing. Riding it in the wee morning ALONE is another thing. Pfft. But but but. Omg. The work is so gerek. Ok, I've not gone for the interview but yes, I will go this time. No more 1001 reasons like I always did. Hehehe. This job so gerek ok please. (:
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
[ 4:23 PM ]
My groovy green eyes. HE HE HE.
[ 12:13 PM ]
Sunday, Buka at nenek's house. Got alot of food. Heh. Then, brought nenek to geylang to see the lights. Then homed.
Yesterday, Mum took an off day from work. Initially, her plan was to finish up sewing the balcony curtains. But, I plead her to accompany me to City Hall for interview. Haha. Saw Jia hao at the escalator distributing flyers. L-O-L. After the interview, went straight back home since mum forgotten to bring her purse. So saaaaad. Saw NINA MY OBSESSION! :D Eh, imy dear. Haha.
Today, Rot at home I guess. How boring can my life be uh?
Nonono, I want to be a good girl who stays at home. Its a holy month, and I need to be a good girl. :D
Sunday, September 6, 2009
[ 3:01 PM ]
I bought new coloured contacts since the I lost one side the previous day. Tsktsk. I was thinking of buying green colour which made my mum laughed like mad woman. Because she thinks it I would look like some perasan orang puteh. Pfft. Well, apparently, my usual contacts which is misty grey was out of stock. And there's only 2 colour left which is Chestnut and Groovy green. I took the risk to buy the Groovy green. HEHE. And well, it sort of nice. Its not really weird and the colour somehow was like misty grey. Not much difference eh.
Today, I did chores like a real lady. Not that Im not real before, but I never done any chores girls are supposed to do. And the most I did was to sweep the floor. Hah. Well, today I helped mum do the cushion cover. I learnt how to sew at the same time. Manually and technically okaaaay. I learnt how to sew by hand and by machine. Now pro already la. Cheyy3. Haha. Eleh, today only. Nanti in the future, benang pon tk sentuh kot. But got improvement eh please. :D
Sepasang kurung biru[ 2:51 PM ]
This has been my number one favourite song since I was little. Like really, I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it in the radio. And it IS still my favourite till now. :D Take note eh guys eh. *winkwink*
HAHA.
Tiada salam atau ucapan Tiada pesan tanda ingatan Suasana penuh keriangan Ku teringat pada seseorang oh...
Di hari yang berbahgia ini Hatiku kosong dan sepi sekali Betapa manis kenangi lalu Menyambut raya bersama denganku oh... http://www.free-lyrics.org
( korus ) Tiada bisikan lembut yang ku dengar Hanya suara azan sayup bergema Masih kurasakan hangat tanganmu Di pagi raya bersalam dengan ku
Tetamu datang tetamu pergi Namun tak tiba orang ku nanti Hanya sepasang kurung nan biru Menjadi teman mengubat rindu ku oh...
( ulang korus )
Jokes.[ 12:40 AM ]
This is my classmate, Jia hao. Well, used to be. How lame can he be? HAHAHA.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
[ 10:58 PM ]
The Bottom Line
Take it to the next level. You're seeing patterns where others see chaos.
In Detail
Don't wait for life to happen to you. Make the life you want happen. So what are you waiting for? Opportunities and possibilities abound -- it's the life that you've always wanted. All you have to do is make that first, definitive movement toward it. Isn't life too short to waste? You know it is and it's time to get moving.
Oh yeah? It was much easier said then done. Tsktsk.
[ 10:19 PM ]
To begin with, I might just listen to my mum. Maybe staying at home would be much better. Job hunting wasn't easy. Well, it would be.. provided that one is not fussy enough. Ahh, I'll just rot at home then. Boo hoo!
My mum is like sew-ing cushion cover. She just done sewing curtains. Urgh. I've got lots to do tomorrow. Why do I have a mum who loves to do a "woman thing"? Gosh, its like every year we change the colour, the style and whatsoever. Im the one suffering. -.-
Friday, September 4, 2009
[ 2:22 PM ]
The Bottom Line
Want to ensure you won't max out your credit cards? Leave all of them at home today.
In Detail
When you least expect it, someone you're quite fond of will call, write or visit with one objective in mind: to persuade you to take their side in a tricky dispute. You, of course, won't hesitate to agree, especially if it's a city hall kind of thing. This time, though, you might want to insist that they uncover the nature of the problem before you sign up.
Horoscope is giving me the red light. Hmm..
Thursday, September 3, 2009
[ 1:26 PM ]
Eh alamak my mum ehhhh. Irritating y'knw. She say I can work but then when I want to go interview, she give 1001 reason. Wahh, I want to work Golden Village say later i tired because must work beyond midnight. I want to work Bata say later like Fatin's previous place very hard. I want to work as promoter, she say hard to get customer. I want to work as sales assistant, she say later I will get bored. -.- Know what she's eager for me to work as? Her current addiction, Burger King. What the.........(^@%*$%*#%#*$!!!!!!
Anyway anyway, thanks to Fatin winterlove!!! She's my life saver man. I don't why la kn. But I can't seem to call people even though my house number is private. I got this feeling like as though the person is looking at me. HAHA. Okay, she help me to call several people including some malaysia number which I gave her. Not purposely la k. I don't even know it. HAHAHA.
My taste.[ 10:15 AM ]
Im like drooling over here please waiting for time to fly. I've got a few more hours before Im out to hunt a job (again). This time, I've got a specific place with a specific shop for interview. HEHE.
I want to blog about something. Related to my title up there. It frustrated me to actually thinking about this. I had a hard time getting myself to sleep and well, I ended up reflecting my past and think about what I actually wanted for myself. Here it goes then,
I actually asked myself what kind of guy I ever dreamed of to be with. I thought back about all my crush(s) and my ex(s). Put them side by side and non was the same. All had their own way of style that seems to attract me. What confused me was what was the main thing that all of them have that attracts me?
My ____(whatever you want to call it) - should be someone who accept me as who I am, as how I was brought up by my parents. - should be the most understanding person I could ever meet in my life. I need this because I can barely comprehend myself and those who never last long with me are the ones that lack this ability. - should know how to make my day even at my worst state. To do this, he must be someone who knows how to joke and keep things lively, being natural instead of forcing himself to make me laugh. I need this because Im a person who laugh alot and love to be entertained. - should be someone who have an extraordinary patience within him. To bear with me and my nonsensical attitude, its hard. Im proud of those who actually stayed with me till now. - is not an easily morose person, who sulk all the time. This is because, for those who know me real well, Im never good at consoling. I might just say a few consoling words and try to cheer the person up which I did uncomfortably and unwillingly. Once done, and yet failed, Im not a person who tries for a second time. I just ignore and let one to cool himself down. This is why, I lost some friend(s) and never last long in a relationship. Same goes to me, Im not a person who mope all day long. Im a person who gets angry easily but just give me a few minutes and just a joke, I would forget everything. - should not be too serious. This includes being too overly protective and jealous. I want to be a carefree who can do whatever I like even during relationship. Im a person who knows a limit. I make friends with guys but I won't go to an extra mile of being too close to them. Same goes to me, Im not a person who controls my partner. For all I care, go and make friend with girls , the most important thing is, he knows and I know, we put a borderline to the friendship. - related to the above, I need trust from him. Just saying the word trust was not enough. I need actions done. I believe that most lack on this. They say they trust me, but when I make friends with guys (which was just a chat), in the next minute, 1001 accused was thrown to me. What I meant by trust was even when rumours was spread around, hateful things was heard, he deafened his ears and trust my words. Of course, I won't take advantage on these please. - should be the one who keeps relationships light and easy. Im not one of the girls who expect 101% attention towards me 24/7. I need a space and so does he. It doesn't matter if he was too busy that he can't even call and sms-ed me whole day. But a single message saying good night after a hectic day was enough for me. And same goes to him. If Im busy or anything, I don't want to be treated by a sulky face and defiance attitude. Of course, if I was being treated this way, I would apparently just ignore and did my own stuff. Which links to one of my points, patience and not a morose person. - is not a hot-temper person. Totally. Actually, this was not the thing that bothers me. But IF someone was angry, I expect the person just be quiet and be soft. I don't tolerate ones who shout and scream. Which same goes to me. I'll just keep quiet and entertained myself. But of course, when my patience are above my limits, I might just shout at the top of my lung which I think I haven't done before.
Basically I think that is what I look for. Just someone who understands alot. I don't expect some hot looking guys because everyone is hot in their own way. I believe I have a high expections on my type but who doesn't? All wants the best for them right?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
[ 9:37 PM ]
Fatin eh, so sarcastic you know. She upload this in her blog. So baaaaad. Haha. Eh ok what cleaner. HAHAHA. Although, the title was like so...unglam..But stillllllll.. HAHA. Ok, I think I will also laugh if people were to tell me they work as cleaner. HAHA.
Not my day.[ 9:04 PM ]
I was viewing a blog of my friend. From there I actually click all her friends just for the sake of clicking because her friend is very little. Haha. Then, I came across this blog which I don't why but it makes me want to read this person's post. Take note, the blog was just a simple layout with nothing interesting that would caught anyone's eyes. But, yes I read it. It turns out that this guy was from my level and I was being so anxious scrolling to find if he post any class picture. Good news was to see that the hanlet guy which I've been searching for his class for months was in his class! I scream like nobody's business. And of course, Im like so excited, I tell everyone Im close with about it. Ahhh, I forgot about this afternoon's problem instantly. Then, I don't why my hand so itchy, I clicked this guy's link. And only God knows how I feel at that moment when I find out that it was the Hanlet guy.
Me: Mama! Mama! Omg, I found him!! See, see, see!! Mama: Siape? _____? Me: No la! Hanletttttt! Mama: Ohh, waah. Handsome eh dier. Tkkn la cute2 camni tkde matair.
Ah, yala. Mulot so masin. I read his post and yes, he was attached. Whats worse, he just attached barely a month ago. Truly devastated.
I know I should not be so uptied about it. I don't even know him and I don't think he even know I exist. But somehow, I was hoping he could at least make my day today which had been kinda rough in the afternoon. I like ____, but I know and he knows that we can only be good friends and never go further due to certain reasons. I know that what really matters was MY happiness. But being in my position was hard, its very mean of me to be with someone else knowing that there will be another who would be hurt by my actions. And...
Hmm.. Forget it. Im just 17. Yet to reach the number 2 digit. I should just go with the flow. Maybe I won't have any boyfriends to enjoy with at all till........
Job Job, where are you?[ 6:18 PM ]
I met Aizat at 3.30 pm just now in woodlands to join F1 as CLEANER. HAHA. My mum LOL-ed when she heard that because nk clean my house like so fussy then want to work as cleaner. But I join just because I can watch the F1 for free.
Sadly, must be 18 and above. So luck was on Aizat's side and not me. -.- Aizat was kind enough want to help me find job in causeway point just because my mum ask him to. HAHA. But yeah, we went inside, asked sportslink and went out back. Because I was fussy la. HAHA.
Oh, I met ___ . Heartache. Heartbroken. Shall not elaborate about it. Thanks Fatin for cheering me up! Then I met Zul too! Long time ehh never meet him. Then, I met....I forgot who uh. But yeah, got one more person. HAHA. Can liddat eh Dian.
Tomorrow maybe going for interview. But suddenly like lazy sia want to go. Hehe, cannot uh Dian. You want job, you better go. :D
Legal.[ 12:24 PM ]
I want to be legal uh. Still a long way to go seyyy. Haisss.
Job.[ 10:57 AM ]
Happy Wednesday people. And happy belated teacher's day.
Today, I am so freaking semangat wake up early in the morning (9.13am) and without any fuss, I went straight into the bathroom. Yesterday, I was daydreaming in my room and thinking about jobs. You see, before when I was reluctant to work and happy to be a carefree, my mum forced me to find jobs because I spent alot. Now, when its holidays, and Im like rushing to find jobs, my mum actually said this,
"Ala, tk payah keje la. Tolong mama bersihkan rumah. Just stay at home. Nanti lepas raye, kau nak carik keje, kau boleh carik."
Nenek dier. Time holiday la orang nk carik keje. Oh well, I don't care actually. Im still looking for jobs. HEH. Today, I bought newspaper, and surprisingly, theres ton of jobs that is suitable for me. Now the thing is, Im having the trouble to choose which one I wanted. There's one with a high pay but I had to bare with working in shifts and at times, working till past midnight. I know this job was hard as my friends works like this and he had to juggle between work and school. Tough time. Another one is okay but its damn far. Its at Jurong, Marsiling and Clementi. Like O-M-G. Another one is in woodlands which is like nearby my school and I know I would expect alot of familiar faces over there. And I was planning to work in Cotton On. But I've yet to call the stores and asked if they have any vacancy. Pfft.
I want to graduate la! Easier for me to find jobs. And haha, I still remember me and my gfs were planning to open up a cafe. I forgot what's the cafe name. Remember you guys? HAHAHA. I'll be handling the coffee section, then kaukau will handle the clothes side, Iqah will handle the karaoke lounge and Fatin...Fatin, you do what eh? HAHAHA. Ohmyyy..Is it still on you guys?! :D
One last thing, Happy Belated Legal Birthday Aizat! :D
AND HAPPY LEGAL BIRTHDAY TO NADIAH DIYANA!! Too bad, I got no un-glamour face of you anymore. HEHE. :D