Hello, my name is Dian Farhana
Friends call me Dian. Colleagues/teachers/faci/strangers prefer calling me Farhana.
I don’t why, they just do. -.-
For me? I’m fine with both, really. (:
I have a lot of nicknames; some are too embarrassing to state down.
Well, I’m officially legal as of 8 February 1992. Nothing to brag off actually.
Yes, it sure sounds sexciting and I do anticipate for this special day.
But once it’s over, it’s over. My life goes on, still the same every single day. -.-
I’m taking a diploma in RP majoring in Sports and Leisure management.
This may not be my first choice but still, I am really glad I get into this course.
I shall live my hopes on seeing my one and only idol, Usain Bolt.
Yes, I’m a big fan of him because I go “wow” when I see him runs and I go “oooh~” when he wins. :p
Oh well, it was just a wish. I hope it would come true though. :D USAIN BOLT, please visit Singapore, pretty please with millions cherries on tops.
One word, nine letters to describe myself.
I’m different; metaphorically though.
I’m different in a way that I have my own mindset and my thoughts, my belief; my thinking is different from others.
I guess I belong to the minority groups that think the same way as I do.
I think I am anti-social.
Honestly, I’m not a person who mingles with strangers and hit off with them like polaroid instantly.
I am quiet when I’m alone. But once I’m with a bunch of crazy friends around me, be prepared to see me being crazier than them.
I don’t like noisy places or worse, crowded places.
I just have this feeling that everyone is staring at me and that is scary.
I pity my parents most of the time because they are usually pressured whenever we are dining out.
I am born to be stubborn. That’s something you have to bear with me.
I want things to go my way. I am extremely determined to achieve what I want and it must happen.
I am very demanding. Try go against me, I’ll give you a triple worse attitude. Wanna give it a try?
I am egoistic, that I can’t deny. I always wanted to win. But sometimes (rarely). I would relent; that’s when you guys are lucky though.
I don’t like people who use profanities.
I can’t stand people saying it even though it’s once in a while.
But sometimes, I do say it too. :p But I’ll regret and smack my mouth.
I rarely feel angry. I guess that’s the only positive thing I am proud of myself.
But once I do, I’ll go extremely superbly quiet.
I guess I’ve learnt it since I was small to always keep my mouth shut.
That’s why it’s hard for me to console people who are angry with me.
Oh, but at the same time I am a rebel person too. Contradicting, I know.
But I would only rebel when things doesn’t go my way.
I rebel in my quiet way. I may be quiet when I am angry but I rebel at the same time. Get it?
I’m patient. Patience with limits. Be friends with me and you‘ll know how high my patience is.
Im not perfect.
And there’s still more weakness in me which I’ve yet to reveal.
Despite all these imperfections, I have a fair share of my strength in myself.
But that is for you guys to judge me. Now enough about myself.
Meet my one and only boyfriend, Nadhir Osman.
♥ My one love, my one heart, my one life for sure.♥
22.02.2010, that’s the special date. And it is special to us somehow in terms of the numeric terms.
As cliché as it may sound, but he completes my life.
He’s my best friend, my best companion, my best advisor, my best everything.
He may not be the most perfect guy in every girl’s eye, but he is to me.
His imperfections are perfect enough to be my better half.
Our relationship may not be as those like in fairytales.
We live in a place called reality.
We’ve had our share of fights and arguments but we never let them get us down.
How much I love him, why do I love him..it’s better left unsaid.
Just so all of you know, HE knows, that I love him truly; always and forever, eternity and beyond.♥
Monday, August 31, 2009
CE points[ 10:36 PM ]
I signed in my workspace for the first time since the last ut. My motive was to check my ce points obviously. I was utterly shocked when I see that I've actually collected 20 ce points (!) It got me thinking what have I been doing to collect that much point. The last I checked, I only had 11 points. Where did another 9 points come from? Anyhoooo, that was great so I shouldn't feel so uptied about it. So now I've only got 20 more points to go and I would be officially free :D 5 more points coming up which I signed up for the carnival thing-y. Thinking of joining some workshops during this holidays to gain more points. I want to collect as much as possible before year 2 so I can concentrate on my studies (like real).
And, Fatinwinterlove, I will accompany you go for talks okaay :D We can collect together gether. HEHEHE.
Master Swimming Event Day 2[ 8:08 PM ]
Our wished that it rained on that day came true. It rained cats and dogs and phew, were we delighted that we won't have to bear another day under scorching heat. Well, MY joy-ness doesn't last long though. Yes, I won't be running under the sun, sweating like a pig; but running under heavy rain was worse. Im drenched wet.
I was given an umbrella which was not useful at all. It was hard for me to walk through the path collecting the cards and avoiding the swimmer's head. Then one of the organiser took my umbrella in exchange for a towel, which he didn't give at all. So end up wet again. Well, I took the towel myself.
50 meters events was the worse. I run like some maniac. Lucky Nadiah was there to help me to take the numbering scores down or else I won't know how I could handle it. And thankfully, Syazwan was helpful enough to take my place. I spent the last few event sitting and taking down the timing which was a thousand times more relaxing.
On a brighter note, I earned 20 bucks for that 2 days unexpectedly PLUS 3 ce points. Shocking.
Today, went for job hunting with Nisa at Novena. End up we just wandered around there, window shopping. But we did approached one store and asked but to no avail. Time is running out. I need a job before the O levels and the N levels are free. HEHE.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
[ 12:33 AM ]
Its past midnight and I've yet to sleep. I NEED to sleep because Im waking at 4 again tomorrow and need to be out by 5. I was about to offline when I saw my msn blinking.
My heartbeat nearly stop looking at the name. Its not "ehem" obviously. It's someone who's long gone from my existence, who owe me a big explanation as to why he left me without even a single word. Someone whom I thought I could share my happiness with, someone who gives me hope that the future would be bright for both of us, and in the end..left me hanging in the middle of nowhere.
Because of him, I lost trust. I changed. But time taught me how to move on. And I did.
I saw him countless of times online. But neither me nor him make a move to start a conversation. Past few months gone and I know, its over. But today, he apologized to me. Apologized for leaving me, hurting me just with a single-word reason. Problem. We were so close then, able to talk just about everything and giving that reason, just tell me how much I meant to him back then.
Why now? Why after months of disappearing, he came back. Just when I felt like Im free from all this, it starts to appear back. What bothers me is, what am I feeling right now? HOW should I feel?
I've been waiting for months. Waiting when I know I can just move ahead. It took me some times to forget everything. To forget that you've once been the one I share my heart with. To forget you is just as hurtful as waiting. You told me once with the witness of an ocean and a sunrise, you can prove to me that we can last long. Look how far we go and how our journey ended. We never took the same route at the end. Now you turn back, and came back to me. Just when I was about to reach at the end of my destination. You want me to turn back and lead with you to somewhere else together. After how far I've walked and faced all kinds of obstacles alone, you want me to turn back? How selfish can you be? Just a word sorry does not mean it never happens. You left me once, what makes you think you won't left me twice? Im through with all this.
I may not meet someone as great as him. But Im sure that I will meet someone who is not as cruel as him.
Just one thing I plead, you left me once, then just leave. Please don't come back. Because it seems like you're toying with me feelings. I don't want to cry for nights and suffer again. Once is enough for me. I don't want it to happen again. I've hurt alot of guys. Guys hurt me. Its time for me to take a break now.
I just wished he could have come back earlier. When I was still waiting.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Master Swimming Event[ 10:18 PM ]
Volunteerin for the Master Swimming was exhausting. Especially me who was the ONLY runner and I literally had to RUN everywhere like one mad woman. Swimmers age range was shocking. Oldest was 78 years old?! But they took forever to finish one lap. HEH.
Half day from the event, I felt like breaking my fast. The weather cheat our feelings. It was raining so heavily in the morning and it was burning charcoal throughout the event?! And me, being the runner, had to run under the sun. Seriously, when I went back home, i open my watch and bracelet, you can see the colour difference. Tsktsk.
Im tired to elaborate some fun goings-on throughout the day. Shall elaborate it on Monday IF I don't have anything on that day. Syiqin is so excited to see the hairy, big-belly swimmers. HAHA. Well, if I am free, I might take some pictures. HEH.
Okay, I need to have an early sleep. Another strenuous day again tomorrow! :D
Oh, and after the workshop, I had this obsession on Autism kids. I read a few books of true life story of families with Autism kid. Very heart-wrenching. And I also had a thing on street dance. HEHE. Been looking a few videos of it and yes, it was funnnnn. :D
Friday, August 28, 2009
[ 12:55 PM ]
Lots of things is coming up this holidays. I actually can't remember signing up most of the programmes only to be reminded at the last minute.
Neway, after the last ut, Me, Nisa and few other people went for briefing for our new job which is event promoters. The job sounds easy but its not. They said that all we had to do was to pull customers and let the consultant talk. Little did we know, we actually had to do more than that? It was me and Nisa's first day and the place was at PS. During briefing, we heard a few names mention that would be working there. YAH RIGHT. It turns out that only me, Nisa and one lady working ONLY. So, we can't just pull customer and let the lady do all the talking. She actually told us to talk to them - promote the service. We started of at 11 only to be restless at 12. And we still got a long way to suffer. We end at 9. -.- We actually have to pull around 25 customers each a day. But I pulled 6 and Nisa pulled 4 by the end of the day. At least, one person bought something. Which is SOMETHING. And that lady was telling us boss is not happy. I was about to tell her back that at least we did our job instead of her who keeps running away. Everytime go toilet, then go up to the shop; and when she's not away, she's on the phone. When she did nothing, she walk around to The Body Shop. Well, turns out theres a sale for The Body Shop there which the queue never seems to decrease but increased drastically every minute.
Thats about my first day of job as event promoters. Lucky I had the sports carnival workshop yesterday to avoid working and in the afternoon, I msg the boss's asst that I quit. Move on to the carnival workshop.
I expect it to be boring. Workshop is about planning games and I imagined sitting in groups with papers, cracking our brains to come up with games. But no, its not. Me, Ratna and her friend came late but we are not the last. We could have come at 12 instead of 9.30 because for that few hours was only powerpoint slides describing different kinds of Autism people. Then we grouped ourselves and well, first I thought we had the most boring groups. But again, no, we had the most fun group. We made friends with some year 2s. Well, we made our way to this room which is filled with all kinds of toys. We were instructed to take anything we want. My group took some fun toys and moved to Agora Hall. We took less than an hour to come up with games with our toys. We finished the earliest and I think we create the best game ever. We had fun trying out the wheelchairs and stuff. After break, each of the groups represent their games and we can try it out. And I still think ours is the best. KEHKEHKEH. :D
After everything is over, we are supposed to clean up and bring the toys up back. But I run away after I scanned my attendance. Met mum at tpy to buy Ayam Penyet which I was suddenly craving. At first, mum was reluctant to buy and wants to cook. But oh well, me being me, I always came up with ways to get what I want. We bought lotsssss of kuehs and stuffs.
Today, Im supposed to be job hunting with Nisa but well, it was cancelled. I guess it would be on Monday then. Sat and Sun I would be having some swimming events thing which I volunteered. And more events coming up for the next few weeks. Well, I sure had lots of things to do during Bulan Puasa. Helps me to keep my mind off from looking at the watch :D
Sunday, August 23, 2009
[ 4:49 PM ]
It's the second day of Puasa. All is going on well. Today buka is all about goreng(s) food. Mee goreng, Macaroni goreng and Nasi goreng. Haha. Well, I shall not talk abt food right now because it will make me hungry.
Tomorrow is math. I've got weekends to study but up till now, I've yet to download the remaining 6ps. I really need to study and understand every slides. I need to practice the formulas. I cannot read conclusions again. Look what happened to the last 2 UTs I did. I actually panicked in the class and started to go through every slides the last few minutes before it starts. I have to discipline myself -.-
Saturday, August 22, 2009
[ 3:03 PM ]
Firstly, I wanna wish happy first day fasting. Don't puasa yokyok aye! :D
Yesterday, rushed home after UT. The rain was being real nasty. Pour like wanted to flood Singapore like that. Called sis to fetch me at bus stop and wow, she only bring one umbrella. There's not much difference of sharing and not using any. I still end up real wet. Pfft.
I took a nap till 4 wishing hard the rain would stop by then. I think it did. HEHE. Took shower and get ready to go BBQ. Oh yeah, it was Ben's birthday (my SL), and he was having a BBQ at coasta land or something liddat. Plan was to meet Aizat at woodlands at 6 and went together. As always, Im the punctual one.
We reached pasir ris at 7++. Called Hui Ping to get the address and it was off. We called some people from our orientation grp but to no avail. So in the end we called Ben and a girl answered. We asked the place but forgot to ask if there's anyone from our orientation grp. Well, we went there and on the way, Karthik call. He said that everyone is going the next day. Me and Aizat was like..@^#&*(#!!! So we decided to head back to E!hub and hang around there. Once we reached there, got a msg from Hui ping. And what's worse to hear that they were already there. So we head back to the chalet and yeah, there we were. Well, we reached the place like 9++ and I barely eat anything. Firstly, I don't really eat bbq food unless some major expert chef bbq-ed it. So I only ate 2 hot dogs and 1 garlic bread. Pathetic, I knowwwww.
Played some games which I end up losing and had to do the best sexy posed with Ben. Well, I won although Ben did have a better pose. He actually take out his shirts compared to me who only take out a belt. KAHKAHKAH.
Well, the pictures are yet to be uploaded by Hui ping. I think there is not much picture of me because..just because. But alot of videos. Will upload it soon I guess.
Anyway, we left the place 11+. There's a straight bus from Pasir Ris to Bishan. My usual bus stop sammore. But pity Aizat, who is kind enough to accompany me and be my bodyguard, like so bad of me to leave him alone so I took train with him. Well, we panicked for awhile because its already midnight and we thought we missed our last bus. I called my mum to fetch me and Aizat wanted to walk home from CCK. I wanted to lend him some money so he could take cab, but being him step manernye macho, insisted that he is fine walking home.
But, well oh well, luck is on my side, I still have my last bus but I did not take it. I prefer my dad fetching me. HAHA. Reached home and shower and got a msg from Aizat saying that he's taking the last LRT service. Luck seems on his side too. :D Anyway, many thanks to him for yesterday although he pretty much irritates me everywhere. HEHE.
And peh semangat nk bangun pagi to sahur. Guess what time I woke up? 10 mins before the sahur is over. I was like whatheheck! My whole family woke up late la. Coz my mum never set alarm clock. Lucky everything is ready. Well, I eat like one greedy pig. Pfft. Oh, some experience of first day puasa. HEH.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
[ 7:09 PM ]
Science is being such an asshole. I almost felt like giving up after staring at my first ever question but of course, I won't. I finished all the questions with an extra 15 minutes left. This is what happens when we only studied conclusion. Well, its over and done.
Tomorrow cognitive. Easy Peasy. HAHAHAH. Mentang2 A student in cognitive, confident sia. HAHA. But its no more conclusion again. I REALLY need to read through all the sides. Urgh -.-
[ 12:59 AM ]
I no longer think it was a crush. No longer think it was an eye candy. Because my feelings somehow turn into something serious. Something that I've never felt since...
Am I falling in love? If this is true, I pray it would stop. Because its not the right moment to feel this. Never a right moment for me. I can't.
Please.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
[ 6:53 PM ]
Today is the first UT, enterprise. Its kind of easy but shall not be really confident. I did not managed to do all the questions. I was typing the last answers for the last question and..times up. The thing send by itself. Sad or whaaaaat. But nehmind, just pray hard I will pass.
Tomorrow is science. Damn, I don't know if I can actually pass or not. I actually asked my sister who is in sec 2 to teach me chemistry ah. My parents lol-ed all the way seeing this. Neneh. But I think I understand much better about atoms. Woots! :D
Ok, need to study now.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
[ 7:49 PM ]
Today marks the end of all modules. Phew. Well, its not a good day to end it. Firstly, I had a damnit modules which I hate alot; cognitive. That effing stupid faci who keeps picking on me. Go and die la he. Lucky puasa is school holidays. Or Im gonna batal my puasa every tuesday due to this module. Stupid faci. -.- On a brighter note, well, I won't be having lessons with him foreverrrrr (hopefully). On a sad-der note, its only a few more days left with E36F. Sad much, Im tearing. HAHA. But I would truly miss them alot. :D
And yay, best uh. Tomorrow exam starts. Woaaaah, I study ALOT like that. Fuck. I studied NONE. Haissss
[ 12:22 AM ]
It is past midnight. I should be studying. But I only managed to skim through 4 ppt in 5 hours! And I merely run through the whole slides which definitely took less than a minute. -.- Guess what I've been doing for the past few hours and 56 mins. Having to learn in laptop with internet is not an easy job. Too much distractions. HAHA.
Well, let see..things has been fine. Everything's gone smoothly. Im happy despite the fact that all has changed. UT is this wednesday, and so much of me wanting to study weeks before. Yah right! I barely even started anything. I don't know what I've been doing. Nevermind, I must be confident. HE HE HE.
Last week and this week would be the last lesson with all the modules. Starting with Enterprise module, faci bought us Subway cookies. Elated much :D The next day, communication (MY FAVE), faci bought us pizzaaaas. 6 large boxes. Friday, science, abit cheap-o. Given 25 bucks to be shared among classes. After splitting up, my group has $5.68. Ya la, like alot like that to be shared among 5 teammates. So we end up buying a large packets of marmees and 2 potato chips. HAHA.
Today, ass, nothing at all. But we deserved it. Because we had never ever pay attention for math before. The faci is too nice so we took advantage of this. Maybe, that was his way to take revenge on us. Like whatever.
There is tons of things for me to talk about but being me of course, I forgot 99% of the stuff. Hah. Okay la nights/mornings.
Monday, August 17, 2009
[ 10:28 PM ]
ALOT OF THINGS HAPPEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS THING WHICH I DUNNO WHAT THING.
I got alot to talk about. will update pretty soon. A much more good news to bad news. Hmmm..
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Why me?[ 11:14 PM ]
Just take a really deep breathe and believes that everything is going to be okay.
Why are they acting strangely? Have I done anything wrong. I believe I don't. Maybe it was just my imagination. But I swear its nowhere near that. It does happen right in front of my eyes. Well, they can very well do that if that satisfy them. Just hope they know who is the right person to trust and the ones who deserve this kind of treatment.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I want you to know what I really feel about you[ 11:57 PM ]
Why should I have lied to myself for the benefits of others? I could have just said what I wanted knowing that I could get it. But no, I refused to do so because I know it would hurt others. And what did I get in return, just another handful of heartache. Im glad to know that somehow people are trying to salvage the friendship we once had. But truthfully, I've got no faith in this anymore. Not that I like losing a friend and making people hate me. But sometimes, it is the only way we get to avoid being more hurt. I don't know what I want to do with myself. At times, I feel like running away from everything and start anew in unknown places where nobody knows me. On the other hand, I feel like the best way is to end my journey here. I was hoping that life would be better for me but no, it was vice versa. I met the wrong people at the wrong time at the wrong place. No I never met the wrong people. Just the wrong fate. A fate that I somehow met these few people at the right time but fate decided that I met with this person instead of another and..........
[ 8:27 PM ]
To end the day, we took train. I wanted to take the train that goes to Marina Bay which will then bounced back. And Iqah is supposed to take the Joo Koon side. But of course I physco her to take the same train as me. Sadly, she was late so she dropped off at Raffles place and took I don't know which side of train to Dhoby Ghaut to meet her family. So Im emo-ing all alone in the train. Hais.
Anyway anyway, today is really not my day too. Today is my farting day. HAHA. Poor Iqah, having to bear my fart-iness. I fart alot. Pfft. But of course tk bau please. HAHA.
Almost all UT2 grades are out. Except for..enterprise I think. Well, I did progressed well. I passed all my subject :D Big improvement. And I am officially an A student for Cognitive. Shocking. I hate that module alot and I hate the faci; I don't know how I can actually get A for it. Sheer luck I guess :D
Well, off to watch Anugerah finals now :D :D :D
Epic fail[ 4:08 PM ]
I skipped school halfway today. Barely halfway. I left the first break. My initial plan was to act like Im having a stomach ache and go. Buuuut, me being such a bad actress...epic fail. I went into the room and straight away say Im going. Then I stutter what nonsense all came out. End up I laughed at myself and just walk out of the door. Typical life story of myself. Syakirah and Iqah had their own acting which I don't know how it ends up but they succeed. :D Iqah went to the extend of lying that one of her family members actually passed away. HAHA. Wth.
Put that all lame shit aside. We had a great time. Initially, we wanted to spent time in school library and studied. But plans doesn't always goes right y'knw. So we walked to causeway point and sat in Macs till 12, waiting for the 4.50 meal. Did the usual girls stuffs; gossips, camwhoring etc. Then, walked around causeway point (first time for me). Around 1+++ we decided to depart from the place. Kirah went home while me and Iqah took train and head to city hall. Again, we plan to go Vivo but we wanted to use laptop. So we wanted to head to Bugis library but I don't know how we actually end up in Esplanade library. HAHA. Epic fail betol.
Well, it is a great time. Things happen along the way. One of which I farted in the library loud and clear. Iqah bought a magnetic earrings and use it at her cartilage. Step cool gitu la. Kirah bought nail polish but end up not nice. Totally epic fail. Story of our average lives. HAHA. :D
Monday, August 10, 2009
[ 11:13 PM ]
I'd figure out you would find my blog. Somehow, I got the instincts you would find it eventhough I've change it. Hmm...
Im hating what Im feeling right now. You know, sometimes its good to be happy, but then again, it just makes u irritated about it and just have to throw that feelings away. I am feeling that kind of feelings right now. Im happy at the wrong time. And what confused me was, I don't know what am I supposed to be happy about. Because, whatever happens to me these days was nothing but a pure heartache.
I need my mum. I need my girlfriends. I need a clown. I need someone. Just someone who is there to hold my hands and walk with me till Im able to stand up strong by myself. The obstacles Im facing right just makes me feel weaker every seconds. Im being mean and unfriendly. In another word, Im turning into a bitch. So not myself. Hais.
I apologise if somehow Im acting like this towards some of you guys. Really sorry. I just need some time to adjust everything. It is so wrong for me to be happy. I need to cry.
[ 9:07 PM ]
Happy Belated Birthday Singapore. :D
I was back from Melaka yesterday. The night before yesterday, my daughter sleepover at my house. Gosh, I miss her so much. Heh. Lots of stuffs happened around her, I kinda sympathies her. At such a young age, everything's gone haywire. But Im always there for her, just so she know that. :D
Anyway, we bought baju raye there. Banyak la my mum's idea saner baju murah2. I tell you, over there, the kain only is like nearly 100 ringgit not including the baju. But since we were there, we bought la kn. And yes, I totally love it. We decided that this year is gonna be Brown. Woohoo! :D It was kinda expensive. My baju raye 1 suit cost 250 ringgit which is like 100+ dollars. Might as well buy here sia. But to my mum, its cheap enough. Layankan ajer..
We wanted to shop again after dinner. But my dad is already annoyed. So went back home and we still have like 300+++++ ringgit left to shop. Neneh la. But oh well, gonna shop in Mlysia soon again I think.
And I heard that Spore's idea of the 8:22 pledge is not successful. HAHA. Just as what I had thought so. Singapore may be Kiasu people but when it comes to being patriotic, dream on man. I myself won't do it la please. Tsktsk.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
[ 8:37 PM ]
It started off as a normal day today. But someone just had to spoil my good day.
Im not blaming you in everything. I admit it is my fault. But don't deny you never had your share of faultiness over here, cause you did. Thats how I dealt with problems and unfortunately, yours are the opposite. Its not either of us fault over here. I don't blame you. We are just different. I want to be a friend to you who cares about you, but I do it in my own way. If I were to do it your own way, Im changing my way of life and that is impossible. Because I am myself. If you say that, what I did was heartless, leaving you alone to deal this while I am happy and moving on with my daily lives, fine I accept it with an open arms. Because yes, I am doing it. But think, its not easy to be in my position here. I am trying to help you and try being close friends again, but please think, its not a matter of seconds. It is not that easy. Life is never that easy. How can I be normal being near you when you always never want to move on. How hard for you to move on, is how hard Im trying my best to be normal to you. You cannot move on easily, and I cannot be normal easily. How can I? I will have done my part, if you done yours.
My way is to be friends and move on. Never to cling on the past. But what you did is the opposite, which is why it is hard for both of us to be normal to each other. We had a different thing on mind and we want to solve it differently. You say you are the victim because I hurt you. And you deny ever trying to hurt me. Well, what is it called when a person asked you every single thing about your daily lives and are unhappy about it? Controllable. What is it called when a person demands you to do what they expect you to? Threatening. What is it called when a person complain/cried about something that is such a small matter? Sensitive. Humans are egoistic, yes I agree I am one. Who doesn't? I did accept my fault, and you think Im not sincere as so on. What is that?
You tell me I was the cause of every arguments we had every time we chat. But think, who started off the topic that I don't like. A topic that everytimes just pissed me off. Even for a person to care someone, its not the right way to ask every single thing about their lives. Each individuals have their own privacy in life. The topic always end up talking about the past. Is that what you called move on and start to be friends? You stalk every thing about me. Fyi, what Syiqin wrote in twitter was not referring to my crush at all. It was meant to be a joke about Afiq, OUR CLASSMATE. He happens to be in the same group as mine, and I was joking with Syiq that he never chatted with me. Is that even wrong? And you blaming me with all that shit without even knowing the truth. Have you seen me flirting with guys? Damn it no and its wrong, coz I don't. The guy who supposingly to be my eyecandy is a stranger. And the person who I have feelings to, you don't even know him. And wow, if you were to know who, you might understand.
I said Im sorry with the things I've called you that hurts your feelings. And yet, whenever we fight, you used it against me. It is as though, you never forgived me. And you called me mean words back, so its fair and square to you. At least I apologised what I called you, and I forget what I have said and never called you that again. But what you called me, Im sure you would never say sorry. And even if you do, you will keep calling me with those mean words.
Yes, its true that when you love someone, you take them seriously. But if there are no special relationships between a two soul, and they are friends, no matter how serious you are and care for her, there was a limit. Not to be too serious and care like as though we are an item. The way you asked me questions every day, is like as though you are checking on me. When I never wanted to tell something, you say I never care for your feelings. Well, some things are meant not to be told. And look at how sometimes, I did tell the truth and somehow it hurts you and then we fought, and you blame me for the source of the fight. I don't even know what is right or what is wrong to do. Because either way, its always me to take the blame. Ok fine, I accept that too. Because my answers always hurt your feelings and you're hurt. I lied and you're hurt. I refused to tell and then you say how you tried to care but I never give you a chance, and you're hurt. Tell me. What can I say when everything hurts you? Isn't it better you keep it to yourself to avoid arguments? And here I am taking the blame that Im the one starting the fight.
Whenever I replied your msn late, you became angry. Saying Im being purposely not to talk to you, others are more important and all. Please, I chatted with other people and what is the best reason that I can ignore them and talk to you only? Ya, I always reply late but I want to do something else too. You can say that I may not be serious with it, ok I agree with that. Because the so called serious topic was never serious at all. It was what you wanted to believe.
Im sorry that whatever I did was to lead you on. I thought you should have known that it was a joke. This part, I take all the blame. Because, I should have never joke around with you something like that. I should have tried to know you better so that I know you take things like that seriously. Because of that you called me a cheap woman. Thanks alot.
I absolutely do not force you to do my own way. You have your own ways to deal with things. Ya, I want us to start from scratch so that everything is back to normal. But no, you don't want that. You want your own way of friendships. The close one, the one who I need in every seconds of my life. I can, but somehow when you meant close, it was as though it was more like an item kind of relationship. Its like more than friends. You asked every single thing, check on me and stuff. Friends don't do that. Friends are about being happy with each other and when they sense they have a problem, they will come and talk to you. But not to check on each other because everyone deserves certain privacy. Not like as though I check on my friends on every single thing, did I?
Ya I would remember every single thing you called me. And don't take your words back. Enough is enough. Nobody ever judged me especially when they know me in a matter of months. Really, thanks alot. And Im sorry for everything.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
waiting[ 11:30 PM ]
Me and Iqah surprised Fatin today by going to her class secretly. And we had an awesome talk. It feels good to talk things out.
My heart is feeling different since morning. It started to feel strange right when Im off to sleep at 3 am. Its a good strange feeling I guess but what Im confused about is that somehow, there's a tinge of sadness in it.
I know I should forget about it because its impossible to go further. But sometimes, I just wished my fate happens the other way round. But I know, if it were to happen, my life would be like a fairytale. Always a happy ending. So, since Im a human who have a life, it is not easy to have a happy ending without efforts.
So, I guess I should be patient and wait. :D D:
hush hush[ 8:23 AM ]
Life never seems fair to me as always. When would God have pity on me and give me some happiness that I deserve? Everything happens the way I want it to be but its always the aftermath. Like how I like someone, and when I was halfway getting over with them, they came telling me how they feel. And worst, there is a third party who destroy the excitement. Do I deserved this?
Its funny how when people say that no one could keep a secret, and I believed them but I still tell secret to someone. The thing is it IS true. Nobody could keep a secret. Don't deny it. Because you did.
And what is it with people who likes to involve others in their own problem. I admit I do tell someone close. But then if its over, I just kept it to myself. A final goodbye is a final goodbye, because when people had it in goodbye, there will never be another hello.
And people always wonder what makes the person hate them. See for yourself. Breaking out something that is suppose to be a secret. Tell your friends about problems that is supposingly to be only between u and the party. This equals to irresponsibility. I hate these. ):
crushpaper[ 12:41 AM ]
It feels good to let out something that has been hiding somewhere in your heart. And it feels better when the person listening, feels the same way. There is no words that I could describe the feeling Im having now. I just feel like.. crying, laughing, jumping, screaming, shouting just to show how ecstatic i am now!
Know why? Only me and my bestfriend will know. But today has been a good day so far and its only the beginning! :D
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
[ 2:46 PM ]
I’m still in the same place you left me, you know, if you ever get tired of being gone or something.
I came across this page. about a typical person who have an average daily lives. and it is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.
example2 :
Today, I saw a baby spider on my wall. I wasn't going to kill it because it was small and cute, then it started moving towards my bed. It's dead now. MLIA (This is my fave!)
Today I texted myself. In the ten seconds it took to send I forgot I'd sent it and was surprised when my phone vibrated. MLIA
Today, my friend decided to use a hole-puncher on her hair thinking that it wouldn't work. It did. I laughed. MLIA.
and more more more. go and read.
fyi, MLIA - My Life Is Average. :D
ADELE - MY SAME[ 1:17 PM ]
You said I'm stubborn and I never give in I think you're stubborn 'cept you're always softening You say I'm selfish, I agree with you on that I think you're giving out in way too much in fact I say we've only known each other one year You say I've known you longer my dear You like to be so close, I like to be alone I like to sit on chairs and you prefer the floor Walking with each other, think we'll never match at all, but we do But we do, but we do, but we do
We reached there only to find out its not cow farm but a goat farm. And screw that, we went to Sungei Buloh instead. The reason was that we reached goat farm just in time for it close. The next plan was to go Jackfruit Farm which was beside the goat farm, but screw that too as it is too boring. We drove and end up in Sungei Buloh. Paid half a buck for me and sis; a buck for my parents. I guess its worth the money with the natures we've got to see?
We saw a few animals/creatures/insects and whatever living things there are in nature. We even saw a snake! It was slithering just beside us and well, lets just say, we went so quiet and stand stiff and even hold our breathes, till it slithered past us.
We walked for 2 hours top. Its quite enjoying and peaceful I guess. Very romantic. :D Funny things happened along the journey but shall not be elaborated. Lots of photographers. I didn't bring my camera, so bear with the super low quality from my handphone. Tsktsk.
Considering to go there someday with someone. "ehem-ehem". Just kidding, Lol. So after a tiring yet a fun walk, appreciating the nature around us, we went back. I was actually thankful because on the way back, I had a few mosquitoe bite and that sucks.
Had our dinner at Sakura in Northpoint. Yummy. And off home. :D
Next trip, bottle tree! Woots :D
[ 3:25 PM ]
I pleaded my mum to buy for me something. Guess what?
Boys over flowers posters uh deng!
I bought 3 posters of - Boys over flowers, Kim hyun joong and Minho! :D
Be jealous ok people. HEHEHE
Anywaaaay, guess where my family is heading to afterwards? Cow farm. Yes, Im happy like that. Because I never really get a close up view on cows before. Hees.