Hello, my name is Dian Farhana
Friends call me Dian. Colleagues/teachers/faci/strangers prefer calling me Farhana.
I don’t why, they just do. -.-
For me? I’m fine with both, really. (:
I have a lot of nicknames; some are too embarrassing to state down.
Well, I’m officially legal as of 8 February 1992. Nothing to brag off actually.
Yes, it sure sounds sexciting and I do anticipate for this special day.
But once it’s over, it’s over. My life goes on, still the same every single day. -.-
I’m taking a diploma in RP majoring in Sports and Leisure management.
This may not be my first choice but still, I am really glad I get into this course.
I shall live my hopes on seeing my one and only idol, Usain Bolt.
Yes, I’m a big fan of him because I go “wow” when I see him runs and I go “oooh~” when he wins. :p
Oh well, it was just a wish. I hope it would come true though. :D USAIN BOLT, please visit Singapore, pretty please with millions cherries on tops.
One word, nine letters to describe myself.
I’m different; metaphorically though.
I’m different in a way that I have my own mindset and my thoughts, my belief; my thinking is different from others.
I guess I belong to the minority groups that think the same way as I do.
I think I am anti-social.
Honestly, I’m not a person who mingles with strangers and hit off with them like polaroid instantly.
I am quiet when I’m alone. But once I’m with a bunch of crazy friends around me, be prepared to see me being crazier than them.
I don’t like noisy places or worse, crowded places.
I just have this feeling that everyone is staring at me and that is scary.
I pity my parents most of the time because they are usually pressured whenever we are dining out.
I am born to be stubborn. That’s something you have to bear with me.
I want things to go my way. I am extremely determined to achieve what I want and it must happen.
I am very demanding. Try go against me, I’ll give you a triple worse attitude. Wanna give it a try?
I am egoistic, that I can’t deny. I always wanted to win. But sometimes (rarely). I would relent; that’s when you guys are lucky though.
I don’t like people who use profanities.
I can’t stand people saying it even though it’s once in a while.
But sometimes, I do say it too. :p But I’ll regret and smack my mouth.
I rarely feel angry. I guess that’s the only positive thing I am proud of myself.
But once I do, I’ll go extremely superbly quiet.
I guess I’ve learnt it since I was small to always keep my mouth shut.
That’s why it’s hard for me to console people who are angry with me.
Oh, but at the same time I am a rebel person too. Contradicting, I know.
But I would only rebel when things doesn’t go my way.
I rebel in my quiet way. I may be quiet when I am angry but I rebel at the same time. Get it?
I’m patient. Patience with limits. Be friends with me and you‘ll know how high my patience is.
Im not perfect.
And there’s still more weakness in me which I’ve yet to reveal.
Despite all these imperfections, I have a fair share of my strength in myself.
But that is for you guys to judge me. Now enough about myself.
Meet my one and only boyfriend, Nadhir Osman.
♥ My one love, my one heart, my one life for sure.♥
22.02.2010, that’s the special date. And it is special to us somehow in terms of the numeric terms.
As cliché as it may sound, but he completes my life.
He’s my best friend, my best companion, my best advisor, my best everything.
He may not be the most perfect guy in every girl’s eye, but he is to me.
His imperfections are perfect enough to be my better half.
Our relationship may not be as those like in fairytales.
We live in a place called reality.
We’ve had our share of fights and arguments but we never let them get us down.
How much I love him, why do I love him..it’s better left unsaid.
Just so all of you know, HE knows, that I love him truly; always and forever, eternity and beyond.♥
I don't even know how to say this. And I don't want to make no excuses. This has been on my mind for a while. And I should stop stalling and just say it. We were so cool when we started out. Made me for love, I was the one you always dreamed about. So I just went along living in the moment. Boy, you're just not the one for me.
We're really different but I can't see myself with you. I had these feelings but it's not enough to be with you. Should've told you sooner but everytime I tried I got caught up in the emotions. And now I'm feeling like I'm stuck.
[Chorus] Let it go. Didn't mean to string you along. I gotta let it go. Don't wanna make things any worse. I gotta let you know, it's killing me inside and I'm losing my mind. So I gotta tell you goodbye.
So now that I said what I had to say. I hope I haven't made a mistake. Cause even though I am sure of everything I say. I can't help it if I miss you every now and then. And I know you're real confused and I don't blame you at all. And I hope that we can be friends sometime later on. But you got to understand it was meant to be this way. Cause now you're falling and I just got to be honest babe.
We're really different but I can't see myself with you. I had these feelings but it's not enough to be with you. Should've told you sooner but everytime I tried I got caught up in the emotions. And now I'm feeling like I'm stuck.
[Chorus] Let it go. Didn't mean to string you along. I gotta let it go. Don't wanna make things any worse. I gotta let you know, it's killing me inside and I'm losing my mind. So I gotta tell you goodbye.
Wish we hadn't crossed the line. Don't want to say goodbye. But everything's changed. Wish it was still all the same. Now we ain't friends no more. Sorry that I led you on. Maybe one day things could be the same again. But now I gotta.
[Chorus] Let it go. Didn't mean to string you along. I gotta let it go. Don't wanna make things any worse. I gotta let you know, it's killing me inside and I'm losing my mind. So I gotta tell you goodbye.
[ 9:09 AM ]
Yesterday, I had an online movie marathon at home. Instead of E-learning, this is what I did the whole day. At least I submit my PDT which I actually get it from Iqah. Anyway, watched a rerun of P.S I Love You. That movie sad okay. Always stirs the emotional side of me. I was never sick of that movie. Boohoo. Next, I watched The Lake House which was recommended by Ahmad. Yeah, very touching. About waiting. Lastly, I watched The Notebook which I watched with Ahmad, in the sense that we watched it at the same time. He thinks it like as though we were watching together. Hahaha. The movie was so-so la. Not really that emotional.
Again, today, I'll be having a movie marathon. Not sure what to watch. Maybe a rerun of some great movies that I really really love. Will update soon yeah! (: Or you could just see my twitter. Hees.
Monday, June 29, 2009
horror[ 1:03 AM ]
Again, I had dreams that make me wake up only to realize its not real. This time, it was terrifying. I woke up and I remember everything vividly even up to now. I recalled a few familiar faces. The place was somehow so clear that I could actually describe in a distinct details. I was in the lift with another 2 person, thinking why I never actually followed another girl(who was Ratna, my classmate. VERY WEIRD.).The lift door open and we end up somewhere in an empty space but looked like an abandoned building. Ok, shall not say much because it kinda creeps me up. I wonder why I had this dreams. Its totally weird since I've not been watching/reading any horror stuffs. And the people in my dreams, they just appeared in my dreams. Some I don't even recognised and yet I can tell how can she/he looks exactly.
This is just a dream Dian. Nothing to be scared about. I wonder why today I can remember my dreams well enough. Usually, I only remembered some part of it and it was a blur one. This time, I can actually tell the story from the start. It is so vivid. Like really.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
[ 3:30 PM ]
quizzes I extract from facebook.
February: Abstract thoughts Loves reality and abstract Intelligent and clever Changing personality Temperamental Quiet, shy and humble Low self esteem Honest and loyal Determined to reach goals Loves freedom Rebellious when restricted Loves aggressiveness Too sensitive and easily hurt Showing anger easily Dislike unnecessary things Loves making friends but rarely shows it Daring and stubborn Ambitious Realizing dreams and hopes Sharp Loves entertainment and leisure Romantic on the inside not outside
You're not prone to falling head over heels in love. However, you do find yourself falling in love, but slowly. Beforehand, you like to put your devoted admirer to the test. You need intellectual exchanges. To seduce you, this person best not be your average Joe and they will know how to get off the beaten track. And most importantly, they won't smother you. Very independent you are and you need your freedom to be happy. Before committing yourself, you reflect for a long time, which generally allows you to make the right decision. It's not easy to tie an you down... But it's a different matter with these kinds of people. You will find their intelligence and bubbly character attractive. You can speak about anything with them and are enriched by your contact with them. They respect your independent spirit because they are also obsessed with liberty. You don't feel like they enclose you in a cage. Quite the opposite, they help you to escape from routine. And in bed, all's good! You're both very imaginative and have a lot of fun together..
Yesyes! true much. Haha! (: And awwww, is there such person like this? tsktsk.
[ 2:53 PM ]
So pissed off with tk-faham-bahase guys. No matter how rude I sound and how sometimes I never reply, they never seems to take the hints that I don't want to layan them. Haiyo. If i tell them straightforward, they would feel sad and say I sombong. Neneh la. -.- Block nanti baru tau! Irritating to the max la. Whats with their sweet-talking and all. Anyhow add people up in msn! When asked, don't want to tell. Eeee, geram.
[ 1:36 PM ]
Im sooooo bored. Boredom to death. Life is a bore.
Ultimately, I've been eating chocs,potato chips,roti prata for my brunch. I've look through my facebook, tagged, friendster. I've been bloghopping. I've been listening to quite a few songs mostly from The Cranberries. I've put my twitter on my blog(see under DianFarhana). I've put a new song(Miley Cyrus-The Climb). I've blog about my weird dreams. I've post a song Kiss Me. I've done all this and it is still 1.42 pm! What the shit. I guess whats left on my list is to sleep. Haha. Ala, like so boring. Maybe I should go for a jog at the park. But, to think it over again, maybe not. Who knows, today might rain or something(excuses). Haha.
Hmm, oh, I've volunteered a school event held on 18 July. Very unlikely of me to do that unless something interesting is happening. For this, nothing interesting actually. I sign up because it was just nearby my house. Like around 5 mins walk? I will get 1 DA points for this. Cool huh. That would total up to 5 CE points including the talk I attended, the upcoming events we've organised and this. 35 more points to go. Nehmind, take it slow. Haha.
Let me talk about yesterday at work. As I said, it was a last minute thing and as a result, I was not jolly well excited to work. Basically, my brain was not fully on work-mode and I was being as blur as Sotong. I did alot of mistake yesterday. Luckily, nothing serious. It was not really crowded so I spent my time daydreaming. Fortunately, there's Jenson who always cracks me up. Then, we had a good talk about our love life. He talked about his gf and stuff. He is such a sweet guy you know. He spent all his salary on his girl without his gf ask him to. He practically buy everything for his girl. And the sweetest thing he said was "I am her boyfriend. Its my job to keep her happy. I don't care if I don't have any money to spend on myself as long as I can see her smile." Ahhhh, sweetness right. He's only 19 for goodness sake! And the saddest thing was, the girl left him with the most common reason when someone ask for break up; "I want to be alone" HAHAHA. But I really pity him. Someone so sincere like him and yet being dumped. The rest of the conversation shall remain a secret. Hees.
I prefer the song sang by The Cranberries. Unfortunately, I can't find the original song. But this is ok I guess. (:
dream[ 11:59 AM ]
It was a weird + funny dream. I dreamt of Harry Potter and then there was a scene that Miley cyrus was singing "The Climb". The weird thing was that the song is not sung with the lyrics. It was a different lyrics. I could actually remember some of the lines. But the thing is, I felt the dream and it was sorrowful. I woke up and found myself feeling heartbroken. I wonder why..
Till at this point of time, I felt so hurt. What the dream is all about shall remain secret and only for me to know. Somehow, the role-play was real to me. Was it a sign? Because, it fears me if I would feel this hurtful when something like that happens in reality.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
[ 12:36 PM ]
Last minute, got called from Belly's. Need to work. I've got no mood to work, especially since we already plan to go and eat KFC. But then, to think it over, its worth to work I guess. Haix.
I will learn to give in more. Don't be surprise if I change to someone totally different. Expect it.
hopes[ 12:10 PM ]
sometimes, I wonder if I should just give in even when the logic seems to be on my side. sometimes, I think I don't deserve anyone to be my friend. sometimes, I believe that I live to suffer. sometimes, I wish someone would just understand me well.
just sometimes, the best thing to do is to keep in silence. Keep everything in my heart. Because, sometimes, that is the only way I can smile with others.
Friday, June 26, 2009
[ 11:50 PM ]
E-learning is fun? Bullshit la.
It is extremely confusing and worse of all, I need to do the worksheet all by myself thank you. Aiseyman, I just want to go back to school can?
Today went out with family for dinner. We went at 7 and only to find the food place at 10? And we end up at my least favourite place of all foodplace. I also bought the wrong food and in the end I ate Farah's food which got alot of taugeh. Neneh la. But thinking about tomorrow keeps me in good mood. Ape lagi, eat KFC la. Hahahaha. + shopping pls. (: (Kesian eh Fatin kene quarantine, I happy life shopping) HAHAHA. kk, sorry.
The event is very irritating. Change plan last minute. Now I don't know what to do already. What's with someone who refused to participate actively and treat herself as leader among us, someone who have time constraint and can't participate that much due to some reason, and someone who idon'tknow what actually happen but seems not wanting to do anything or maybe that's what I think it is. Then what? Want me to do everything alone? Then later, if anything wrong, blame me.
Now know why I hate group work and always volunteer to work individual? Because of this. And I don't fucking want to hear any reason, any apologise, any excuses or any anything! And somehow, the ones in charge also don't give a damn about this. Sialan.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
[ 11:18 PM ]
Im not in the mood to blog but I really want to share some good news!
Firstly, as you all know RP has a few cases of H1N1 which includes Fatin's class. I hope she won't get it. I already warned her not to go anywhere neat Bishan. Haha. K, sidetracked. Anyway, today we received an email stating that we would have E-learning for a week! How great is that? Im still not happy with the fact that Fatin gets one and a half day more holidays than me. -.- humph! Not fair. Whatever it is, I am so loving it man. (:
Today we had firedrills procedure going on. Guess where is the safety place we need to go? CARPARK. This is lame okay. I mean please la. What if the fire spread all the way to the carpark which have a number of cars which have gas/petrol which would definitely explode(?) if caught on fire. Such a mastermind. Tsk tsk.
Hmm, somehow I got alot to talk about. But I forget.
*Oh2! I've finally signed up for tagged. Haha. I know, Im always one step behind others. -.-
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
[ 10:48 PM ]
A true character of a person will only be shown and seen when he or she is faced with a very difficult problems.
Taken from Izzatur Rahman(facebook).
[ 11:15 AM ]
I could not hold on my tears any longer. It seems like I've lost. Everything is too much for me to bear. With people around me who keep pressuring me. I got alot to think about. Alot. What's with at home, dealing with family and at school. School is a minor thing. I can handle it. Somehow things that occur around me involved it that makes me hard handling the situation. People only think that every decision I made affects them. Not knowing that it affects me more. Im not caring for a person, I need to care more than one. But I can't care for all at the same time. Give me a break. I need time.
Im having major headaches this few days. Too much thinking. Too stressful. I need some peace. But where?
Monday, June 22, 2009
[ 7:40 PM ]
-______________________________-"
I don't know what I am suppose to feel now. Like really. My feelings are all jumble up. I think anger has the biggest share? Like really, I feel so pissed off. Im not angry with anyone. Its just what happens today really makes me annoyed. One thing, I know this sounds rude, but I cannot stand long convo or I'll get restless. As in, really really restless that I just could not control my feelings. I can't even stand talking on the phone for even 5 mins and you'd expect me to stand long one-to-one talk? Woaaah. Ask my mum and she can tell you all about it. I practically scream at her if she keep me at the phone longer than 10 seconds. That is how me and phone calls/conversation never clique well. I guess I am all fine when the convo is supposingly a fun convo where I talk more than the rest? Haha. Jeez, how self-centred am I. But really, I can just cry right that minute if I could not stand it already. I am about to cry just now. I think I somehow did? I just forced myself not to let the tears flow. Another thing is, I feel bad of letting Iqah waited for me. I know she's not that important compared to the "talk" but still, at least I need to tell her to go off first. I feel guilty when I saw the 22 missed call she gave me! Yes, I practically ditched my best friend for this ok. So you better don't tell me I don't give you priority. The moment I grab my phone, I called Iqah only to know she was on the way home. And I eventually can't control my feelings and my voice that I am 1/4 way to cry. Again, I forced myself not to do so. And at the traffic, Fatin called me to make sure I am ok. Again, Im tearing but no, I don't want to defeat. I guess my egoistic wins all. Reached home, went straight to bed. Woke up and so semangat to do my RJ. Sadly, I cannot do it because I cannot connect to LEO. How pathetic could my day be?! So, goodbye to my A, B, or C!
Fish leong-No ifs[ 12:40 AM ]
Listen okay. (:
Sunday, June 21, 2009
[ 10:22 PM ]
Aiseyman, I totally forgot today is father's day. I only find out when I eventually online at around 10 and I saw a few people's PM stated "Happy Father's Day". Gives me the shock of my life. And I blame all this to Taufiq! ^#*@^(*$! He so semangat tell me last week is Father's day. Lucky I never wished my father. Oh well, Its never too late to wish him now right(: So happy Father's Day Ayah! Hees.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
[ 7:47 PM ]
Alamak. When I confirm want to go, they change plan. Guess where they want to go? Pub. Pffffffft. My mum allow me to go. But me, being a "decent" child, I say I don't want. Hahaha. And I thought pub is above 18? Who wants to take the risk if anything happen. =.= So its a stay home saturday night for me. Lol. Great or what. I miss the day I went out like almost every weekend staying out late, making friends with my friend's friends and thon-ing and all till I forgot I have a home. How can time change me to be the way I am now? But its good to know, Im changing for the better. Right? (:
[ 6:24 PM ]
Aahh, I feel as fresh as freshmints! No more feeling tired like rotten______.( fill in the blanks). I slept like a donkey who had their first time sleeping on bed. I've never appreciate bed as much as this. I woke up at 11, took a long bath and back to sleep again. Finally woke up at 5.30 and straight to kitchen to eat. That's what I've been doing for 3/4 of my day. HAHA. I would probably be going out tonight to meet some friends. Basically, he would be going to serve the nation(NS) and we plan to celebrate at idk where. I know we will be playing pool because thats what he really wanted. I promised him that I want to treat him meal but I've yet to fulfill it. Haha. Maybe tonight then. Then, next week or the week after, another of my friend will also go for NS. Celebrate again. Im going to miss them much. The jokers. Haha. (: Anyway, Im still considering about tonight. I don't feel like going out. I want to stay home. But I know it will hurt their feelings. Gosh.
Friday, June 19, 2009
[ 11:23 PM ]
I should not force my eyes to open wide when the fact is that, it really needs to close. Im so sleepy. Just finish up the event proposal. Wait, its not entirely over. There's still timetable and idk what else to do which the deadline is on Tuesday. Pray hard it will be okay. I wish this event is over for good. Then, I would promised myself not to volunteer this kind of event. Even if I am willing to volunteer, pray hard that bitch doesn't volunteer too. Surprising huh? I've never called someone a bitch before really. I mean I do scold people that sometimes(sometimes only,very rarely), but I've never actually treat them as a bitch. Woah, I am getting worse. Bitch is a mean word aye. But I don't care. I am too pissed off to even remember her name. Hah.
[ 3:34 PM ]
Finally, I did some work in class. Despite being sleepy, I forced myself to keep awake. I need good grades. I've been getting Cs lately; even a D. Buck up Dian. SHL meeting is after school. Im not looking forward to it. Because I don't want to see that bitch. Irritating can. As long as she don't cancel the meeting sudah.
Everything happened the way it is not supposed to.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
[ 2:53 PM ]
The talk is over. Neneh la, they never introduce us or anything. We came just to sit and hear the talks. Waste my time wear formal clothes. I could have just worn something simple.
Im so sleepy this few days. Blame insomnia!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
[ 10:35 PM ]
Thinking about tomorrow is really depressing. There's a SHL talk tomorrow and Im supposed to wear something formal?! Know how stress up was I to hear that? I suck big time at this formal wear thing. I think I had something in mind. Hopefully it looks good on me. It MUST looks good on me as I will be standing in front of the whole SHL students. Hoping hard not many people attend the talk. Haha. Ahmad ah..say he will come. Then last minute change his mind. =.= So disappointing. Yes, you disappoint me. Don't say sorry! Make a list of ur sorrys. Collect all then hari raya say sorry to me one time. This one is sarcastic+a lil sense of humour+disappointment-angry. k? HAHAHA.
I can't believe that SHL club would be as stress as this. When they meant full commitment, it is really FULL commitment. Im tired can...
My brain is all jumble up. I can't think straight anymore. Haiya.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
[ 10:55 PM ]
yess-ah. I won't work till next week. Sadly, my pay will be less. But who cares. I can psycho my mum to give me allowance. HAHA. Anyway, finally I post my first entry in my private blog. Fyi, its not privated actually. I just kept it private from you guys. Go ahead and find it. If you guys manage to discover it, I would do anything you guys asked for. Haha!
Erm, thanks guys for helping me out about the tagboard incidence. Hees..
I've done some thinking. I think I have made some considerations. Thanks to best friends. I need a little time to make sure everything is perfect. You guys wait and see. (:
[ 9:07 PM ]
Is it called humiliation when in the first place I did not mention any names? If it is, even the person whom I meant the message to, does not said anything to me. I kept reading the post over and over again, to see if it is by any chance, affect your feelings. Somehow, I can't find any words or sentence that would hurt any other party besides the one I am referring to. Even so, the person whom is supposedly to feel "humiliated" is fine with it. So who are you to tell me some nonsensical statement. Go and die la you. YOU think before you write anything.
Monday, June 15, 2009
[ 12:44 PM ]
Instead of holding you, I was holding out. I should've let you in, but I let you down.
Im sorry if I always let you down. I'll do everything I can not to hurt you again in the future.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
[ 11:18 PM ]
Ok people. Last post aites! This is my decision for the time being. I don't know if I might change my mind in the future.
My leg like jelly already. The food court is packed with people. And of course, since western food stall is most people's favourite. So you can imagine the queue. Fuhh, it was only at 5 and I was already fainting. Im tireeeeeeed.
Anyway, today bumped into Wei teng (classmate). I didn't saw her. I was busy msg-ing when I entered the toilet and was unaware of my surroundings ( as usual ), when I heard someone called out my name. Nice of her to do that. HAHA! I think I should keep looking around me because I am very sure I will know most of them. Cheyy, speak like some VIP like that. HAHA.
Ok people. Don't miss me too much yeah. Maybe I would reconsider to post some that I think is ok to share with you all. Other than that, so long guys! (:
Friday, June 12, 2009
[ 11:46 PM ]
Got my uniform today. Ugly duckling can. I like the old uniform. Its cool. The new ones are just a plain polo T. =.= Oh well, what to do. Anyway, Fatin and Kau asked me if I had private my blog. I know they won't be able to read this, but Im sorry if I didn't invite you guys. I would unprivate it soon and maybe, just maybe, I might not blog anymore. I won't delete this blog. It holds too much memories for me to delete it. Im thinking of creating a new blog. My own blog without anyone reading it. There, I could just let out all my rants without hiding some facts. I also won't hurt anyone's feeling. True? I think I might skip school for the first week. I probably would only attend on Wednesday as there are exams. The reasons of this is..I cannot put in words. Its nothing to do with people around me. Its nothing to do with school. Its nothing to do with anything else. Just me. Only me k.
Oh yes, today I saw some people I know in Marina. First, saw Afiq (classmate) with his friends in the food court. He didn't saw me of course. He kecohrable sia. Haha. Shocking. Ok then I saw Asyraf, who used to be in ftpss in esplanade mall. He also never saw me. Lastly, Kholique saw me at the bus stop. I didn't saw him. How nice of him to tegur me. (: There should be more. Im just not aware I guess. Haha
[ 10:58 AM ]
So our proposal for the 11 july event is almost done. Almost. We have not much time left. We never procrastinate or anything. Indeed, we are working hard on it. Know why, its still not done? Because of some pathetic bitch who thinks that we are supposed to listen to her. I probably should not feel angry because she doesn't do anything to me. But hey, she's doing it to iqah. And I can't stand people taking advantage on my friends. As promised, she supposed to meet iqah at tp library at 10.30. Guess where she was by then? In somerset doing some interview. And after that she's going to tanjong pagar for medical check-up. She expect iqah to wait for her. Iqah is being too nice. Too kind. If only I was there, I could have confront with that bitch. Why must that kind of bitch exist on earth?
If you know that you are such a busy person, some vip or something, you shouldn't have volunteer in the first place. CIBAI!
[ 10:31 AM ]
Maybe Im being a little bit too emotional. Maybe Im being too uptight. Maybe Im the one who is the pain in the ass. Maybe Im being too egoistic. Maybe Im the one who should apologised. Maybe Im the one who should get everything over with. Maybe I should forget everything.
Maybe?
[ 12:33 AM ]
Fatin, I'll join some soul-searching with you. I also don't know whats up with me already. Its either something is wrong with me or something is wrong with others. I won't say anything because its pointless. I should just private my blog and let myself read the posts. I should just create a new msn with no one in the add list. The more I think about all these, the more.. Never mind, its only for me to know.
Love Commitment Trust Relationship
These words would be erased from my dictionary from now onwards. Till Im ready for it. Because whatever happens now just shows how much I still suck at it. Im not even qualify to have friends. I need to learn to show some concern towards other people feelings first. Funny isn't it. After 17 years of living, I actually learnt my mistake from someone whom I know for less then 2 months. I couldn't care less to argue because arguing just makes matter worse. Maybe my perceptions is wrong. We don't know ourselves as much as people know us. We think we are right, but we're wrong. Sometimes I don't know who to trust. Me or them?
Since I've learnt that I am actually an attention seeker due to some reasons which have been observed, I probably should just be a "monotone" person. You know, did everything below extraordinary.
And before I am being accused again, I just wanna say that when I type this post, I don't feel angry at all. So if those who thinks that I am being sarcastic or whatsoever, put that thought aside. Don't say sorry/forgive me or whatever that is similar to that. Instead, you could just say "you're welcome" since Im going to thank you for your act of concern.
If you are really hurt in any way because of me, Im truly sorry. I did not realised I hurt you in some way or another. I've always been that way and no one's been complaining. I am taken aback when I found out there were someone who actually hates the way I behave. Since Im changing for the better, I should accept people's criticism with an open arm and change it.
But if I already did my best to change and it is till not up to your likings; all I could say is, maybe you don't deserve to be my friends/acquantainces/partners/lovers etc. - (This sentence make me think over and over again. If we are a matter of fact, regard each other as friends, close friends or whatever shit, shouldn't we accept each other's weaknesses?)
Im fine thank you.
[ 12:09 AM ]
SHL meeting went fine.
Working is tiring.
Someone annoyed me. You know who you are.
I don't like to have any kind of attentions.
I repeat, I DON'T like ANY kind of attentions.
Im not attention seekers.
I don't play favourites.
I don't play first priority or last priority.
I play fair. get it? FAIR. one by one. in sequence.
Im still annoyed.
I said sorry.
And Im still annoyed.
Humph.
Pfft.
Ok, crap. Bye la.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
[ 8:39 AM ]
Working was ok. Its not really busy and I don't have to run everywhere. I just need to shout louder which I can't. I don't know why but I can't seem to shout when I am working. Funny right? I know. The senior cashier talks non stop. I know Im new and she supposed to teach me. But please give me a break. She practically teach me every single thing in the stall. Who does she think I am? A robot? I need to cramp all those and she expect me to remember it. Neneh Anyway, everything is fine. The staffs are friendly as ever. Just one negative point with the job. There's cockroaches! My number one enemy! Aiseyman. At that particular moment, I just feel like fainting. Whats worse, when one of the staff say I have to get used to it. I nearly have heart attack. Well, as you know, I cannot see these pest anywhere near me. =.=
Boo - hoo - hoo !
Today there's SHL meeting in school. I don't feel like going but since Im involved in one of the event thingy, I'll have to go. Moreover, I miss school can. Awww.. Then I'll have to rush to work. Aiseyman, like VIP. HAHAHA. Ok then, I guess I'll update soon. I could catch a few minutes of nap right now before going off to school.
toodles.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
[ 9:47 AM ]
Does he look really gay? No, he's not ok. Ahh, whatever. I still love him (: If he does look gay, so what, maybe I am into gay person. There's no point arguing with losers who thinks he's one. Haha.
As what I have said in the earlier post, its my first job today. I know Im going to be ok. I've done cashier before. But I still feel jitters all over me. I don't know why. Oh well, all the best to me.
Anyway anyway, Yesterday I had a fun time with best friends. Its a last minute plan but it still went great as ever. Surprised laro at our usual staircase there. Then off to sky garden for our usual gossips and stuffs. Not to forgot camwhoring like nobody's business. I like the part where we sat together and talk about what's happening in our life. I felt a sense of relieved. Heh. After a wonderful time there, we decided to watch movie. Unfortunately, the time is too constraint. So we end up eating macs and hang out there laughing our ass out about some random people. Yeah, we bitched alot I tell you. I bitched the most when I stand in front of Guardian. Haha. Oh well, nothing changed much. We are still the goofy us. I know I've said this many time, but I want to say it again. I LOVE THEM (:
Its the last week of holiday. Happy? Of course! I miss school damn much. Apparently, other schools would be starting their holiday. Urgh. Taufiq promised to entertainment me throughout his holidays. We rarely contact each other since I started schooling. So macam lack of kasih sayang like that. MUAHAHAHA. I miss his jokes lor and so called our "family". Me the wifey, Taufiq the hubby and garfield our pet/child. I know its lame to you guys but thats because only me and Taufiq can make it exciting. HAHA. K shut up.
Oh, I just joined twitter. Not bad you know. Its quite fun. (:
[ 1:43 AM ]
I know its niceeeeeeeeee(:
K, tomorrow is my first day working in Marina. I don't really need luck bt still..just give la k. Haha. I want to blog more but lazy. Just wait tomorrow morning. K bye.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
[ 11:44 PM ]
little things always makes me happy.
HAHA.
Just a random question which I yet to find the answer.
Why do lovers gives roses to the person they love? Out of all the pretty flowers, its roses? roses? roses?! why?
For example, on valentine days, I get roses. =.= I went for a date, I get roses. =.= My mum's birthday, my dad gives her roses =.= Mother's day, I get my mum roses =.= and so on.............
This is seriously a crap post. Im bored actually. I was reading all my previous post. Yes, all. And i end up in this one entry idk which month, but I know I said sunflower is attractive. I still think it does. Nice right? Because at that point of time, my favourite colour is still yellow and not green. So Im awed with sunflowers. Haha. Now since my favourite colour is green, Im going to like..leaves? LOL. K, not! Sunflower is still my all time favourite. HAHA.
I wonder who would actually gives sunflower to someone. Awwwww.. Im sure he's full of surprises then.
Oh my prince charming, surprise me with sunflower oh please.
(:
K, this is bullshit. K bye.
menanti sebuah jawapan[ 10:42 PM ]
Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar Aku tlah terpaku oleh cintamu
Menelusup hariku dengan harapan Namun kau masih terdiam membisu Sepenuhnya aku...ingin memelukmu Mendekap penuh harapan...tuk mencintaimu Setulusnya aku...akan terus menunggu Menanti sebuah jawaban tuk memilikimu
Betapa pilunya rindu menusuk jiwaku Semoga kau tau isi hatiku... Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar Aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
I don't think I can stand being jobless. Not that I love working. I just need money. I know my mum gives me allowance but as she said, I must pandai-pandai spend it. I was only jobless for 2 weeks and guessed how much I already spent? 100$ sioool. For 2 weeks!
"Ma, lend me some money. My allowance finish already ah. Later when I got money, I give back."
"Otak kau nk kasi balek. Kau dah tak keje, nk kasi balek ape! Bla Bla Bla...!"
So yeah, its true what she said. How can I return back the money when Im jobless? I know its parents responsibilty to take care of their child's expenses. But Im a spendthrift. Understandable la eh. HAHA.
So Im back to job-hunting again. Its hard to find one now especially since Im a student and Im only available on weekends. Tu la, last time dah ader keje bagos2, tak nak keje. Ish! I will be having interview tomorrow at Marina Square and on Wednesday at Tanjong Pagar. Anyone free to accompany me tomorrow? (:
Friday, June 5, 2009
[ 4:28 PM ]
Now is definitely a negative downfall moment for me. Everything happens at the wrong time. What's past is past. Im okay with it. Then another one came out. I know she's trying very hard to fix me and someone together. I know she's very sincere and eager to help me as friends. But please give me some time and space to think it all over. I feel guilty when I said I just want to befriend with him and she were asking me millions of questions. She defend him and sorry to say this, but she came to an extend of forcing me into this relationships. I don't know what is the perfect sentence to tell her that me and him will never be more then friends. He's too nice for me and that is scary. Haha. Seriously, an overly nice guy is a big fear for me because then I'll need to be extra careful not to hurt his feelings. And with what I am now, Im pretty much an expert in hurting people's feelings. Someone just tell me whats the best way to tell her that its not going to work? Because she's getting a little bit uptight when I refused to be together with him. She won't accept the reasons I had. She has high hopes on us.
Im hurting alot of people's feelings nowadays. I even hurt mine. Urgh.
[ 1:17 PM ]
Yesterday had a bbq with dearest E36F. Not many people came but with a bunch of clowns who turned up is enough to create a joyful moment. I just came to eat (which is what me and nad intend to). So we ate the first cooked bbq. Pity those who were busy bbq-ing as they only ate after serving us. Haha. Oh well, its not a boring occasion but I was barely there at all. I came, I eat. I walked around. Sit at the pond for quite a long time, "sleeping". Went back to the pit, asked nad to accompany me to buy drinks. Sit at the bench nearby and had a good conversations with her. We talked practically about everything. Like making friends with RP, her friends, my friends and so on. Hang around there till midnight and my parents send Nad home. Its my fault that she missed her last bus. Haha. Sorry to Luqman and Ahmad too who took cab to go home. Yeah so thats practically what I did the whole day. Its the same as if I was not there. Wandering somewhere else. E36F, maybe we should make another outing in the future with my full commitment in it. HEHE. (:
[ 11:19 AM ]
A question from my previous post. "When will I meet my soulmate?". I think I've met mine; but I let him go.
I shouldn't/wouldn't/couldn't feel regret.
My resolutions for 2009 as what I had promised to do, to be a better person. I've made a wish that I should not be volatile. Oh wow, what a fake wish. It seems like Im getting worse then ever. I recalled back then when I made up my mind to change the worse of me. It was because of him, I want to change. And it was because of him too, I refused to change. Confusing much? I've promised myself after the incidence, I would set a high standard on guys. I guess its too high. Because, I think I've met the perfect one, yet I still closed my heart. I blamed myself because I don't know what I really want.
Im stuck in the middle. To hurt his feelings or to hurt my own. The decisions I made is not really what I want. Its not what I don't want either. Like I say, I don't really know what I want.
When Im serious about someone, its for real. It can get too serious at times that it hurts my own feelings. Like how I adore Asyraf. Like how I love Awan. Like how I infatuate choc almond. They never hurt me. Its the feelings I have for them that hurt me.
I don't fear of regretting. I've always regret with everything I've done. I fear of the future. To conclude this entry, I just wanted to have my last say to that someone. I admit I don't have the courage to say this in front of you. I never seems to have any courage at all when I faced with this situations. I just wanted to say that rejecting you doesn't mean I don't like you. Rejecting you doesn't mean Im letting you go. Its because I don't want to let u go, I did this. I know myself pretty well. I would hurt you more than I hurt you now if I accept you in my life.
This entry is merely a crap. Please don't entertain this nonsense. I was just being a jerk. HAH.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
[ 1:18 PM ]
VERSE 1: Because I'm so stupid and such a fool My eyes don't see nobody but you Even though I know you love someone else You could never know the pain that I felt Oh oh oh
VERSE 2: You probably never think of me at all And I know we have no memories But the one who really wants you is me In the end only my tears will fall
BRIDGE 1: I stay, you walk away I stand back, watching you day by day You can't see that I'm so in love with you Like the wind you just fly right through (ohhhhh)
CHORUS 1 : There are days when I just miss you so much There are days when I just long for your touch "I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so Once again I'm left crying for you Once again I'm left here missing you Baby I love you I'm waiting for you
VERSE 3: You'll probably never have a dream of me And I know I'm in love all alone That's why we don't really have memories In the end, I'll make them all on my own
BRIDGE 2: Love's like a river of tears That will flow whenever you're not here Even though your heart will never be mine It's enough just seeing you smile
CHORUS 2: There are days when I see nothing but rain There are days when I just feel so much pain "I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so Once again I'm left wishing for you Once again I'm left here missing you Baby I love you I'm waiting for you
VERSE 4: Bye, bye, never say goodbye Even though it's not me by your side I need you , I just can't say it but I want you I cannot stop wishing for you
CHORUS 3: There are days when I just miss you so much There are days when I just long for your touch "I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so Once again I'm left crying for you There are days when I see nothing but rain There are days when I just feel so much pain "I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so Once again I'm left wishing for you Once again I'm left here missing you Baby I love you I'm waiting for you
This song so sweet right. Its an english version of the korean song. One of the song played in BOF. Supposingly its dedicated for Jan Di from Ji Hoo? Ohh well, I just love the lyrics. Haha.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
[ 10:02 AM ]
Finally, im done watching Boys Over Flowers. Its a happy ending, but I don't like it! I want Ji Hoo to be with Jan Di. Her soulmate! Ahh, it is just fiction anyway. I shouldn't be so uptight about this. Well, after watching the movie. I think about my own soulmate. Have I actually met mine? I just want to know how it feels to meet The One. It is sad huh, when ur soulmate is not the one you will spend the rest of your life with. Like Jan Di's life. She's happy though to spend her life with Gu Jun Pyo. I wonder how Ji Hoo cope with his life after that. I hate the part where he has no guts to tell Jan Di his feelings(although he did tell)..Oh well, Ji hoo is a very nice friend indeed. Credits for that. He let go of Jan Di because he knows she deserved Jun Pyo. Awwww, sweet much aye. Im still not happy with the ending. Urgh. I want my soulmate to be someone like Ji Hoo. No matter how sweet Jun Pyo is, I still think Ji Hoo is the best. Actually, thanks to him, the two lovebirds are together. Hehehe. Im still not happy with the ending.