Today I went to Singapore with an intention of going to the Silat. But early in the morning already, someone just can't stop blabbering of how she's gonna be alone and such. Well, I just pretend I don't hear anything. It became ultimately annoying when she keep saying it till lunch time. Would any of you guys still take it as a joke if it was you? Well, I don't. So, although no matter how much I wanted to go Silat, I just had this thoughts on her. I know if I go, I'll have to face the consequences later. Well, of course, she's my MUM. I've known her for my whole life, I know how she's like. So, from her reactions, I know she really was heavy hearted to let me go silat although she didn't say it directly. Please la, 18 years with her. I know what's her every single movement. So, yes I went to her office to accompany her but of course with a sullen face. I just went in without acknowledging her, just so she knows this time Im not giving in. Its a little too many times of me being mad at her, in fact, every single day I had something that Im unhappy about her; whether it was her actions or her words or anything. But little did I know, I went a little too far-fetched this time. Not that I intended to do it, it just a sudden reaction. I scream at her. Yes, I did. Maybe, I can't stand the pain I've kept in for my whole life. We had fights occasionally and sometimes its a huge fight, but never once did I ever scream at her. Because my dad taught me that I should always just keep quiet and I've been doing it well till now. She called dad and complained to him, but of course its a lie. So, to defend myself, I screamed at her. Dad was on my side, as always. Because him and me, we always faced this situations. I don't even have a sense of regret, even right now. I feel good. For the first time, I let all my anger out. I told her what Im not happy about. The weird thing is, she seems calm. She didn't scream like she always did. Im still wondering about that. Maybe she was shocked. Well, apparently, I cried. For the third time infront of her. Yes, I would never cry infront of her unless I can't take it anymore. And this time, I cried real bad. I am not myself today. And although this may sound harsh or cruel, but I think she deserves it. She should know that we suffered because of her and nobody fight for themselves because they scared of her. Well, I used to be one of them, but now, not anymore. Im not going to keep quiet anymore. Im going to fight for my own happiness. And she should know that.

I felt bad for him. I am ashamed of him. I know its not nice giving this attitude and left an impression of anyone. People might think Im an unfilial child. But I really hope he would understand me. Im not myself today. And I am disappointed of myself. Disappointed that I had to sacrifice his happiness for my mum. Yes, I know mum is always the priority. But maybe, just maybe, for once she should give me a chance to make others happy. And I know how her words always make people think she's the right one. How she twisted her words, are so.. cruel. Yes, she did give me the greenlight, but me as her child, would know how she's sincere in letting me doing something. And today, she's not. She may say its a joke, but maybe today, it was a little too much. You know that feeling when someone keeps bugging you for hours, and tried to brainwash you, tried to bribe you and stuff? Maybe for a few minutes, it may seems like a joke. But it was continuously, I don't think so. Before anyone of you wanted to say maybe Im wrong. Get this facts right, she's MY mum. I know her well enough to detect her sincerity. Back to what Im saying earlier, I just wanted to apologise to him for ruining the day. Im sorry if "we" let you be involved in this matter. Im sorry Im not heeding your advises. And Im sorry, that your girlfriend acted like this today. Im truly sorry sweetheart.

At the end of the day, me and mum parted ways. Wasting my time wasn't it? But no, Im not going to give in. I walked away from her although I was thinking how am I going home at that point of time. I almost took the train but dad saved the day. He called me and tell me to stay right where I am, and he'll come and get me. Dad, always the saviour of my life when she's the caused of all the unhappiness. He understands me. Although, we didn't really talk with each other and such, but we shared this secret bond together. Anyways, he came and it was early. For the first time, he reached this early to Singapore. However, I didn't know he came to get her as well. I had to stuck in the car with her throughout the journey. I know dad is looking for an opportunity to force me, yet again for a thousand times, to apologise to her. I know I should. Im a child and she's a mum. But not today. For the first time, I didn't even open my mouth to say a word of sorry. Im not going to give in. Maybe I will, but it'll take awhile; if she's willing to wait. I need time. Im not strong nowadays, and having another problem adding up my misery, how am I supposed to get up fast?

Though my day was a really bad one today. I did have a fair share of happiness with my sweetheart in the morning. Thankyou for that period of time of being with me although it was a short one. Thankyou for coming down all the way to tpy early in the morning. I know you're trying your best to improve, I shall say I am impressed with you. I appreciate all these things. Thank you so much dear. I love you. And a stranger managed to make me feel amused. So I was walking on a pavement on the way meeting my dad when a little girl ran to me from behind. I was shocked for a second. Well of course, my guess was right. Her brother asked for my number. HAHAHA. Always the same story when a little girl appeared on the scene. Been there done that few times before. BUT I look at the girl, smiled and said sorry and I walked away; without even looking behind to see the guy. See sweetheart, I don't flirt and I don't notty2 or whatsoever. I loyal to you okay. Cheyy, hmph! Hehe. But that small part sort of made me smile too. Why not. I was in my worst state, with a face that didn't even have any make-up and a face that just got over from crying, I think I looked damn bad. K thats not the point. Im still not happy.